"What are you doing, man?" Blair Sandburg asked incredulously as he leaned against a light pole.
"I'm writing a ticket, Darwin. What does it look like I'm doing?"
Blair pushed himself off the pole and paced behind his friend. "I can't believe Simon made me wear a uniform."
"Oh, quit your whining already."
"But Jim, I'm not a cop."
"So now you remember?"
"I could get shot wearing an outfit like this."
"You could've gotten shot yesterday, too."
"I can't believe he busted us back to meter maids."
"Busted us back?"
"Hell, yes, us. I wasn't getting paid to do detective work before and I'm sure as hell not getting paid to write tickets. This is so... so..."
"I was going to say Riggs and Murtough."
Blair grinned at his friend. "Yeah, I can totally see it. You're Roger, the older, world- weary cop who just wants a quiet day, and I'm the younger, crazy-but-lethal, up-and-comer."
"You are so not lethal."
"I could be lethal, if I wanted."
"You're so full of shit, Sandburg."
"Hey, look a jaywalker. I bet I could convince him I'm lethal."
Jim grabbed his friend and propelled him down the sidewalk several feet. "We are not harassing innocent citizens."
"Innocent, hell. He was jaywalking."
Jim sighed. "At least you have the crazy part down pat."
Blair frowned at him.
"Look, Chief, if you hadn't of--"
"Oh, you are so not blaming this on me, my man.
"If you hadn't decided to play hostage for the day--"
"Screw you, Ellison. At least I wasn't the one who commandeered the Mayor's wife's Porsche."
Jim cleared his throat. "Well, I didn't recognize her at the time. Besides, if you had stayed in the stakeout van like I told you--"
"And let you get shot in the head? I think not, you ungrateful bastard. We probably could've skated on the carjacking if you hadn't have driven the damn thing through the Chief of Police's golfing buddy's wife's bakery."
"Is that who she was?"
"Yes. Stephanie. A very nice woman, by the way."
"Geez, Sandburg, don't tell me--"
"If you even mention a table leg, I am so going to beat you with this black... thingy."
"Thingy? Thingy? Christ, Chief. It's called a baton."
"Oh yeah. Baton. Anyway, Stephanie was distraught. The bakery's been one of her life long dreams. Even though her insurance will cover the damages and get her back on her feet, I told her we'd help clean up this weekend."
"It's the least we can do. You're lucky she's forgiven us at all."
"Forgiven us? We were in a police pursuit!"
"Yeah, but you used her lemon meringue pies to subdue the perps."
"It was the closest thing on hand."
"Because you dropped your gun -- again."
"Screw you, Sandburg."
"Simon could've probably gotten us out of it, if you hadn't hit Marlene with a pie."
"The Fire Chief's wife."
"Jesus, was there any city official's wife we didn't assault yesterday?"
"Oh, I think we probably missed one or two."
"I wish Simon had just suspended me. Hell, fishing sounds really good about now."
"Which is why he probably didn't do it. I think Simon has a sixth sense about these things. I heard him mumbling something about making us suffer as much as he had. What do you think he meant by that?"
"Who the hell knows! Think he'll ever let us out of the doghouse?"
"HELP! SOMEONE STOP THEM! PLEASE! I'VE BEEN ROBBED!!"
Jim and Blair immediately looked up and started racing after the fleeing thieves.
"If they get into an armored car, let me be the one to jump on the hood. Okay, Riggs?" Jim gritted out as they ran. "Your insurance isn't going to allow another hit this month."
"Sure. If you promise not to run over the City Commissioner's dog."
"Let's just stop them before they get to their wheels."
"I'm down with that."
Jim launched himself forward and tackled the closest perp, knocking the thief into his companion. Blair jumped on top of the second man and wrenched his arms behind his back and expertly cuffed him.
"You're getting pretty good at that, Riggs." Jim grinned as he cuffed his own suspect.
Blair grinned back. "Must be the uniform."
"You didn't answer the question though. Do you think Simon will ever let us off this detail?"
"I guarantee it."
Jim pulled his thief off the pavement. "How can you be so certain?"
"That jewelry store belongs to Senator Tracey's sister, and everyone knows federal authority beats state authority."
"Thank God." Jim sighed in relief, even as he ignored the whispered "oh shit" from his suspect.
Blair manhandled his suspect off the ground. "Yeah, but, you know, this wasn't such a bad detail. I mean, it would've been nice to have a couple of quiet days at work for a change."
"Yeah. No rest for the wicked though."
Blair shot him a mischievous grin. "Well, let's get back to the station, Murtough. I want to pull the chaos and mayhem bit on Simon."
Jim laughed. "Only if I get to be mayhem."
"I don't think so. I am definitely mayhem."
"Chief, look in a dictionary. Your picture is next to the definition of chaos."
"That's so not true. I swear one of these days..."
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