oh and disclaimers too... not mine, no money, etc.

This one was born from a single question, "what would have happened if Jim was married when the series started." Rated R for violence. Spoiler for "Love Kills". I've written and re-written this one more than any other story I've ever done. There's romance but as much as Lila/Lily loves Jim a leopard can not change her spots.

Lilguppee Beta'd this one -- any remaining errors are mine.

AU with Jim happily married to Lily, the perfect wife with a deadly secret.

LILY ELLISON



Crowswork





there is a theory that at some pivotal moment in your life, you turn in one direction and your life proceeds from that point -- but if you turn in the other direction, make a different decision -- well, then a whole new universe is formed, and from that moment everything in the world is different.

But in any universe -- there are some constants -- some people who are destined to meet -- and nothing in any universe can change that.

THE PAST

The woman was beautiful and exotic. And she was driving much too fast. The roads on the tiny island of Bali were curved and hilly, and the fact that she was weeping made it even harder to see the road in the dim twilight.

After all these years, she had met a man -- The Man -- the one she had never thought she'd meet.

He was a soldier.

As beautiful as a god from some ancient frieze, he had haunted eyes, and a smile that could stop her heart. Without saying it, he told her he loved her, with every touch and kiss. When they made love, it was as if he knew her needs better than she did herself. Never before had she felt so out of control.

She had to leave him. Now, while she still could. The ocean glittered far below the cliff road and she pushed the gas pedal a bit harder. She could never be with him. 'They' owned her and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing!

A rickety old truck backed across the narrow road in front of her. She bit out a curse and barely missed it, swerving onto the grassy verge and almost overturning the small convertible roadster. She continued on, feeling a small bitter twinge that it hadn't ended there, that her life would continue a while longer.

But in the space of a breath -- another choice -- another life offered itself.

A rickety old truck backed across the road and she swerved toward the cliff's edge. She saw that she couldn't make it and flung herself out of the tiny sports car, seconds before the truck slammed into it and propelled it over the edge.

She lay in a patch of weeds and listened in silence as the men from the truck spoke of the poor doomed woman in the little red car -- the little red car that had already vanished into the deep, rolling surf, far below.

"I'm dead!" She breathed soundlessly. "I'm free!"

THE NOW

Lily Ellison was well known as a lovely, but shy lady. She was a successful artist, but steered clear of public functions, even those that could have helped her career. Eschewing make-up, she seemed most comfortable in jeans and one of Jim's old shirts.

She was a cop's wife, who entertained the 'troops' and whipped up a mean poker night snack. If the guys noticed she was quiet and stayed in the background, they assumed it was because she had led a sheltered life.

No one doubted that she loved her husband as much as he loved her.

No one knew that she was an assassin.

THE PAST

"Can I come in, Jim?"

"Lila! What are you doing here? They told me you were dead!"

"I... I followed you home." She suddenly felt unsure of herself. What if he didn't want her after all. "I'm... so ooofff..." The last words were muffled by his lips on hers as he held her so tightly she couldn't breathe.

Much later, as they lay tangled in the sheets of his bed, she told him part of the truth. That she'd been the child of a Eurasian woman -- fathered by an English man who deserted them in Hong Kong -- that her mother's suicide had left her alone and forced her to live on the streets.

Skirting the truth, she told him of the man who 'rescued' her and taught her to lie and steal and kill. Of course, she left out the last part.

"He'll kill me, Jim." She had to convince him of this. "If he ever finds out that I'm alive, he will stop at nothing to kill me."

"Change your name."

"No one knows it, but my real first name is Lily."

"How about Lily Ellison? That sounds like a good nondescript, little name."

"What?" She couldn't have heard him correctly. "Did you just ask...?"

"Marry me."

"But..."

"Marry me, Lily."

"Yes." She covered his face with kisses as she swore to herself that she would make him happy. I'll never lie to you again if I can help it. I'll be a good wife and I'll take care of you, I promise. "Oh, yes!"

THE NOW

Lily:

Lily watched her handsome husband as he slept through a football game. This should be the happiest time of her life. She was married to the man she loved. He was something special. A sentinel. A guardian of his city.

She had been so frightened when Jim's senses started to take over. They had visited so many doctors and specialists, only to find their solution in the strangest place. At first she had been annoyed at this hippie, this excitable boy who seemed to be taunting Jim.

Until she saw him risk his life to save her husband -- a stranger who had just treated him rather aggressively.

Now, Blair was part of the family, a kid brother to both Jim and Lily. It never occurred to her to be jealous of Blair Sandburg's influence in the life of her husband. He was necessary to Jim. He was another guardian angel to a man who needed all the angels he could get.

When they bought the rambling old house, she'd dreamt of all the children they would fill it with. But after years of trying, her doctor confirmed that a brutal rape and beating when she was still a child made that unlikely.

Then -- one day -- Blair's warehouse/home had blown up and he needed a place to stay. "It's just for a week." Jim had assured her as he herded his friend into their spare room. "And the monkey is house broken."

She had to smile at the memory. It was almost three years now. Jim and Blair had turned the third floor into an apartment for the young man. They had given him a home, and a family. In return, he had filled a space they hadn't realized was empty.

Blair brought a light into their lives. Armed with knowledge, he stood shoulder to shoulder with her Jim. Together they held the line against the darkness.

But even a Sentinel can be blinded by love.

He never saw the darkness in his own wife. Old habits die hard. When the Sunrise Patriots trapped her and Blair in the PD, Jim and Simon were amazed to find six dead terrorists scattered like fallen leaves throughout the building. The leader had thought to take Blair and her hostage.

He never made it to the helicopter on the roof.

She only killed bad people, now.

Lila, was the assassin, Lily, was the protector. The one who left the twin brothers, who killed sweet Danny Cho, tied to a lamppost with their throats cut. They had made her husband look foolish. Besides she'd worked with them in the past and she couldn't risk being recognized by either of them.

But she had to be very careful. She was married to a detective with hyperactive senses. And she had a special friend, now. A brilliant, inquisitive young man, who loved to ask questions. And she was over seven months pregnant. It was the last piece of the puzzle fallen into place. This final miracle was the culmination of her life with Jim.

She should be happy.

But there was something coming. As she watched, Jim turned fretfully in his sleep and groaned. She wondered if his arm was bothering him. She'd been worried since he awoke in the hospital, and told them of a spotted Jaguar lurking in the grocery store. Lately his sleep was plagued with nightmares and his temper was short.

Something was wrong. Blair was preoccupied. Jim was silent and withdrawn. Something was coming.

Jim:

He was the Chopec Sentinel in his dreams and strange creatures were invading the blue jungle he patrolled. A pale feline shadow slipped through the trees and he fitted his bow with an arrow. He had to kill this invader before it took everything from him. Even as the arrow flew, a smoky silver shape leapt and blocked its path. The wolf gave a pitiful whimper and fell as the large, pale cat left the trees and raced to stand snarling over its fallen companion. Jim fired a second arrow while she was moving. What am I doing? The sentinel was horrified at his actions but unable to stop himself. Walking forward, he saw the dying animals begin to morph into human form. The gray wolf became his best friend the instant it perished and he thought he'd die himself from the pain of seeing it. Oh, God! Blair. What have I done? The big, Snow Leopard -- he could see now that it was a pregnant female -- tried with her last breath to protect the still, naked body of the young man. Then she turned into...

"Lily!" Jim sat up with a start, soaked in sweat and breathing as if he'd run a marathon. He'd had the dream, in one form or another, for weeks. Am I going to be the cause of their deaths? Jim dashed the sweat and tears out of his eyes. Dear God, am I going to kill them?

Blair:

Blair loved Jim and Lily Ellison. They were the perfect married couple. Something he'd been raised to believe didn't exist. Jim was a Sentinel, his 'Holy Grail'. He was also the older brother the lonely young man always wished for. Lily was a doting big sister, a mother hen in a fashion model's body. It was the home and family he had always dreamed of having.

Jim was supposed to be the subject of Blair's doctoral thesis, but it had become obvious that he could never hand it in. Jim's abilities becoming public would end his effectiveness as a police officer.

The answer to the grad student's problems came in a gorgeous but troubling package. Another sentinel, named Alex Barnes. She was the solution to his dilemma. Now, he could publish his sentinel research, using Alex as his case study. Blair always worried about the possibility that there might be sentinels trapped in solitude or even mental institutions. People like Jim -- who thought his sensory spikes, were a symptom of mental illness.

Maybe his thesis could help doctors identify -- and help -- these people.

But lately he had started to doubt his second sentinel. Alex seemed to be hiding something. Something about her eager, possessive attitude toward him made Blair uneasy. Jim was acting... well... screwy, and Blair had to wonder if the presence of another sentinel might be the cause.

He wanted to tell Jim about Alex, but... he was oddly worried about them meeting. And Jim would be furious that he'd kept it a secret for so long.

Hell!

Lily:

"Blair? Who was that woman?" Lily pinned the grad student with the patented 'Ellison glare' she'd learned from Jim. The tall, blond had seemed nervous as she hurriedly departed the office.

"ahh... Lil... ahh... she's just a student." Blair looked down at the papers scattered over his desk. "Gee, you brought me my laptop. I hadn't realized I'd forgotten it."

"I had to run some errands anyway." Lily hadn't taken her eyes off him for a moment. As a child, she had learned to read body language to stay alive and Blair was hiding something. "So... are you going to tell me who she really is?"

As he looked up, his annoyed expression faded and a look, almost of relief took its place. "She's like Jim. She's a sentinel."

"What? How long has this been going on?" She sat down, shocked to the core. "Have you told Jim?"

"I tried. But you know how he's been lately." Blair pushed back from the desk and sighed. "I only met her a few days ago. Now I'm wondering how... if... I should introduce them to each other."

"Tell him." Lily felt strangely desperate. "Today."

"I will. I'll be seeing him at the station later."

"Tell him!"

Blair:

Blair was still reeling from the news. Alex Barnes was behind the robberies they were investigating. Jim couldn't prove it, but she was a murderer. The encounter between the two sentinels in her apartment made Blair's blood run cold. They had circled each other like wary predators; too well matched for either to survive a battle. The almost palpable air of twisted sexuality made Blair slightly queasy.

The trip back to the station was made in painful silence. Lily was waiting for them but her offer of support was met with contempt from her husband. He stalked out of the bullpen, leaving the concerned pair to trail after him.

"I can't be with you right now. Either of you." Jim stood on the roof of the station and looked past them to the lights of his city. "Go away and leave me alone. You both have been plotting behind my back. Keeping secrets from me."

None of their arguments had any effect. Jim just stood there as if he were made of stone. Ellison was an expert at using words as weapons and now they hit Blair like a blunt instrument. Words like trust and betrayal. The shaken young man took a step forward, before a slim, strong hand caught his arm.

"Take me home, Blair." Lily's voice was stern and it was clear that she was furious.

"Take her home, Sandburg." Jim never looked at them. "Then pack your things and get out of my house. Find some other monkey to study."

"Jim... I... Well you know where to find me." Blair was the last to succumb to anger.

His sentinel didn't answer him.

Alex:

Alex Barnes stalked the shadows of the campus as dawn broke. Her prey was in his office. I want him, she thought, I can't let him live, but I wish... No! I have the nerve gas. I'm on the verge of having everything I want. "Ellison." She breathed the name. The one who was like her. There was a link between them. They were meant to be together. A matched pair.

Super humans.

Jim is mine if I want him. That foreign looking cow can't compete with me. That boring little 'wife'. "I really don't think I can let sweet Lily live either."

Alex took out her cell phone and dialed a number in the dark. After several rings it was picked up.

"Hello." A woman's voice, blurry with sleep muttered.

"Is Detective Ellison there?"

"No, this Mrs. Ellison."

Alex smiled. "This is Kathy Grogan. I work as a housekeeper at Hargrove Hall and I didn't know whom else to call. It's about Mr. Sandburg."

"Blair! What's wrong?" The voice was now very alert.

"He was upset. He broke a glass and cut himself real bad. I think he needs a doctor, but he won't let me take him to the hospital."

"How badly is he hurt?"

"The bleeding stopped," Alex gave an aggravated sigh. Can't have the little wife calling an ambulance. "But, I think he needs stitches."

"I'll be right there."

Lily:

Lily struggled into the first clothes at hand. Grabbing her purse and car keys, she started to leave the house, when some instinct made her take one more item.

The doors to Hargrove Hall were open when she arrived. It was just one more thing to worry about as she made her way to Blair's office. I should have called Jim, Lily thought. But for the first time since she met James Ellison, she wasn't sure she could count on him.

Their best friends, Simon and Caroline were still on their honeymoon.

"Megan. Maybe I'll ask Megan to help with Blair." Lily had hopes for those two.

She tapped on the etched glass panel of a wolf and entered the small office. Blair looked up expectantly, his eager look replaced by one of dejection. "Oh, Lily."

She understood his feelings all to well. She too, had spent the most of the previous night waiting for Jim. "Let me see where you cut yourself."

"What?" Blair answered as he looked up again, his eyes widening as he looked past her. "Alex!"

Lily felt the barrel of a gun in the small of her back. Stupid! Stupid! She thought bitterly. You walked into her trap like an amateur.

"Get over there!" The gun prodded into her back even harder.

"Don't hurt her, Alex." Blair was using the voice he sometimes used with Jim. "She has no part in this."

"Oh, she plays a very big part in this. She has something I want." Alex waved the silenced weapon at the pregnant woman. "I really didn't want to kill you Blair, but I need Jim."

"If you hurt her," Blair's tone was fierce; "Jim will never stop until he finds you."

"That's what I'm counting on." Alex pointed the automatic at Lily. "I think a dead wife and a missing guide should hold dear Jim's interest."

"No!" Blair launched himself at Alex, scrambling over his desk. She barely had time to turn and fire, the bullet hitting him in the side. The young anthropologist fell hard, unconscious before he hit the floor.

"Or not!" Disappointed, Alex glanced down at the bleeding man, then at the strangely silent Lily. "I guess that makes you the hostage."

The old Lila would have taken this blond, bitch down without breaking a sweat. But Lily could barely walk, and she had a child to worry about. But, Lily also knew that her only chance for survival lay in becoming Lila again. As they walked out of the building, she let a familiar weight slip from the lining of her jacket sleeve. The ornately carved ivory handle fit her hand perfectly.

She pretended to stumble on the last step and when Alex paused, she struck. Her aim was practiced, but her body refused to co-operate. The tiny triangular blade missed the blonde's throat, scratching her cheek instead. Still, Lila forced the other woman's hands up and fought with her for the possession of the gun, hoping the drug would work eventually.

Blair:

Blair struggled to rise, his hand pressed hard to the bleeding bullet wound. He had to get to Lily.

This is my fault, he let the thought torture him. I brought this mad woman into our lives. This murderess, Alex.

He staggered up the echoing emptiness of the marble hallway, leaving a trail of bloody handprints on the wall.

Lily:

With viciousness bred and beaten into them as children, Lila and Alex both fought silently. Lila used every dirty street-fighting trick she'd ever learned. Desperation gave her strength, even as her body betrayed her. She was fighting for more than her life; she was fighting for her family.

Alex:

Alex brought a lunatic intensity to the struggle, all thoughts of hostages gone now. She saw only a rival. Someone who stood between her and her fellow sentinel. He was her mate. It was their destiny.

Blue eyes locked with glittering green as they clashed. Locked in a vicious dance of death, both held the weapon and refused to release it.

When the pregnant woman backed into the low wall of the fountain, she had to fight for balance. Alex took advantage of her weakness and turned the barrel of the gun a few inches.

There was almost no sound as her finger found the trigger and squeezed it.

Lila fell backwards into the cold water, a cloud of red billowing from the wound in the center of her chest. Alex merely smiled, preparing to take a second shot, her hand shaking slightly as her fingers began to tingle.

"No, Alex!" The voice was one she had to obey. Blair half fell down the steps and staggered toward them.

She could hear sirens in the distance. It was probably Ellison and that Connor woman, rushing to the rescue.

Too late. Alex smiled again as she backed away from the fountain.

She knew what a fatal wound looked like and neither of her victims stood much of a chance.

Jim:

Jim leapt from the truck before it stopped moving. "Damn!" He was too late. The smell of blood hung in the morning air. Blair was sitting at the edge of the fountain, trying to hold... "LILY!" He vaulted the low wall and lifted her from the icy water.

Rafe and Megan were already working on Blair, trying to stem the blood flowing from a wound low on his side. Henri helped him ease Lily onto the grass and covered her with his coat.

"Jim." She gasped as she struggled to touch him.

"Shhh." He leaned closer to her. "Just hold on... the ambulance is coming."

"Jim." There was a hint of steel in the tone, and he had to get closer yet.

Her rapidly spoken words were so low that only he could have heard them. Shock held him motionless, and when the paramedics arrived, the others had to lift him out of the way.

"This can't be happening." He flinched as the medics worked feverishly, their comments making the grave condition of their patients clear.

Minutes later, they were gone in a scream of sirens. Jim stepped back and discretely picked up the dagger. Wiping any fingerprints off the handle, he wrapped it in a handkerchief and then in a heavy evidence bag, before slipping it into his pocket.

It was the last thing she asked him to do.

Lila. His wife? An assassin?

"This can't be happening."

Alex:

Alex had run into the trees at the edge of the lawn before she stopped and turned. "Poor Jim." She chuckled soundlessly. He looked like he was the one who was dying. He was kneeling between them, shaking his head in denial. "You'll come after me now, Sentinel."

She turned to leave, but her legs would no longer bear her weight. The dirt was cold and damp beneath her back, but she couldn't move. By the time it occurred to her to call for help, her voice was just a gasping whisper. The only one who might have heard her was already gone, following his terribly injured wife and friend to the hospital.

As her heart gradually slowed and her labored breathing diminished, Alex felt her senses come fully on line for the first time. She could see everything. Everything she had lost.

When a student found her body, later that day, he was struck by the sad, haunted expression on the beautiful face.

Jim:

Megan sat close to him in the waiting room as they waited. His hearing wavered in and out, as the buzzing, over-bright fluorescent lights seared his eyes. Doctors wearing scrubs marked with the blood of his family came and talked at him.

"...strong young man... bleeding... danger of peritonitis..." He signed the papers authorizing Blair's surgery.

"...so sorry... catastrophic injuries... life-support..."

They were telling him Lily was dead.

"...fetal distress... deliver immediately..." Jim signed the papers thrust before him and the doctor raced away. Then, Megan held his shaking hands as again they waited.

Blair:

Blair awoke on the smooth blue tinged grass of the spirit plain. A huge black panther lay on its side, golden eyes unfocused and blank

At the edge of the clearing, the spotted jaguar lay dead. Another cat, creamy white with faint spots crouched over the body, it's own chest awash with blood. Asian... Snow Leopard... Blair's mind filled in the blanks even as the injured animal morphed into Lily Ellison.

"Lily!" Blair scrambled over to the prostrate woman and lifted her into his arms.

"Blair? Not you... not here..."

He could feel the pull of the real world, of life itself urging him to return. "We have to go back."

"I can't. It's the price I have to pay for... for everything." Her blue eyes filled with tears. "Blair, take care of them. Promise me!"

"No! You have to come back, too." Even as he spoke, the woman changed, and the Snow Leopard twisted from his grasp. It's thick ivory fur now unmarked, it raced to the edge of the clearing and leapt into the darkness of the jungle.

The panther stirred and shook its head, roaring after its mate. It stalked to the tree line and snarled as some invisible force stopped it from entering the rain forest beyond.

Blair stood, realizing he was no longer human, feeling the power and strength of the wolf in his step. He ran toward the trees and knew -- if he chose to -- he too could enter the peaceful nothingness. This time the panther was ready. It wheeled and sprang blocking the wolf as it leapt toward the unlit weald.

In a burst of light the two forms became one and Blair was plunged back into the world of the living.

Jim:

Jim was barely aware as Simon and Caroline arrived and took Megan's place. In a daze, he handed Simon the evidence bag with the dagger in it and muttered some lie about finding it by the fountain. Hour after hour crawled by and his senses became more erratic.

Doctors came in, and said something about Blair not being out of the woods and resecting something. Others mouthed words like full-term and oxygen deprived and traumatic.

At one point hands pulled him out of the waiting room and to a different floor. Through a window he could see a plastic box surrounded by doctors and nurses. Inside a tiny hand moved slightly, before it was concealed.

He tried to hear what the people in the room were saying. Instead the word 'detective' caught his attention. It came from a room far down the hall.

"...poor detective... his wife murdered..."

"...heard the doctors talking... his baby and his partner are circling the drain, too..."

Jim shook his head. 'Circling the drain?' What a thing to say.

Unbidden, the image stole into his mind. His best friend and child caught up in a swirling vortex, being swept away into a well of blackness.

For a few moments his world narrowed to the inch of space the little hand occupied. The dainty fingers flexed in a gesture that was almost like a wave.

A greeting?

A farewell?

"Blair." His voice was barely audible.

The hands were almost supporting him as was led to ICU. Equipment and monitors surrounded the frail looking figure on the bed.

Jim searched for the familiar heartbeat and finally detected it -- much too weak and slow -- but still beating.

Suddenly the alarm on the heart monitor tore into his ears like liquid fire. Pain made him stagger backward until he hit the wall. Then all sensation faded as he saw the vortex once again. This time it was him who was drawn inexorably into the void, and he welcomed the peace of oblivion.

"Hey, Jim."

The voice that had been disturbing his tranquil repose was stronger now.

"Hey, Jim. How about wakin' up over there.

I don't want to wake up.

"It's me. Blair."

As if I didn't know whose voice it was?

"Someone's here to see you."

It's a trick. I'll be left alone, again.

"Are you looking at that big ole sleepy bear of a daddy?" Blair was answered by tiny sound somewhere between a chuckle and a squeal.

The Sentinel's face twitched as he sniffed his surroundings.

Overlaid by the smell of disinfectants and illness was the rather potent scent of his guide, Simon's cigar tinged presence, a woman he didn't recognize and a sweet pure essence he had never known.

A baby?

"Can you say, 'Uncle Blair' Lily-Belle?"

What the HELL? How long have I been out of it?

Blue eyes opened imperceptibly and looked askance at the patient in the next bed. Blair looked pale and thin, his hair was sweat soaked and his whiskers, days old.

He was talking into a plastic box next to his bed. Inside was a baby, listening to every word he said.

Simon and a nurse watched from the foot of the young man's bed.

"Chief?" his voice sounded rusty and dry.

"Jim!" Blair started to bounce up. "Oww! Oww!"

Simon grabbed a glass of water and offered Jim a drink. "You had a reaction to the sedative they shot you full of after you zoned." He whispered almost silently as he glanced back at the nurse.

Jim nodded. They must have seen his zone as a breakdown of some kind. "How long?" he mouthed the words.

"...little over two days." Simon's voice was still low as he raised the bed until Jim was almost sitting up. Then he spoke normally. "Good thing your regular doctor came home from vacation. He explained things, told them to stick you in here with the kid."

Jim could tell by his friend's harried expression that it had been a close thing. He was lucky he hadn't been shuttled off to a mental ward.

"Hey, Jim?" His partner's voice was breathless and shaking.

"What, Chief?"

"Want to hold your daughter?" Blair looked at Simon and then at the baby.

"I don't think..." The nurse's words were cut off by a glare from the bedraggled young man.

Simon lifted the precious bundle out of the bassinet and carried it gingerly across the room. He laid her on her father's broad chest, but kept one hand on the plump diapered bottom.

Jim raised his hands and touched the delicate hands, studying the translucent nails and perfect dainty fingers.

"Lily?" Tears spilled from his eyes as Simon stepped back.

"She's a miracle, Jim." The tall captain dashed a tear from his own cheek. "The doctors said she was ready to be born. It's why she survived."

"She's strong." Jim memorized the exact color and texture of the white flawless skin. The silky texture of her dark hair as it swooped around her head to a single, comical curl on top. "Lily."

The baby snuggled against his chest and he was startled to realize that she too was bonding, learning his voice and the feel of his hands. Faint and innocent though it was, the presence was there.

She was, as he was.

"She takes after her Dad." Blair voiced his thoughts.

He knows.

"You named her?" He glanced at his partner.

"They were calling her 'Baby Ellison' and I... it's not official or anything."

"It's a good name, Lily Ellison. A good, nondescript little name." No, I won't remember that, now. "But her middle name is not Belle."

The nurse reminded the men that the baby was supposed to be returned to the nursery. When she wheeled the bassinet through the door, Jim had to force himself not to follow.

Simon left, and for the first time they were alone. Jim looked over at his friend. "You okay? Really okay? I heard the alarm on that heart monitor, and..."

"They told me. My blood pressure was real low for a while. That's what set that gizmo off." Blair fell back on his pillows. "I have a sore belly, and they're pumping me full of antibiotics and stuff. Doc says I'm kind of a miracle myself."

You are that, Chief.

"Did they catch her?" Jim realized that the constant tormenting awareness of Alex was gone. "Do they have a guard outside? On the baby?"

"Alex is dead." Blair knew instantly what Jim was asking. "She got scratched with her own knife. It had some kind of poison on it. They found the stolen canisters at the airport."

So Lila... your secret is safe after all.

His doctor came in with another man. It became obvious that the younger man was a Psychiatrist as his 'episode' was discussed. Mercifully, his physician had an extensive file spelling out his quixotic reaction to most drugs.

"He also had recently sustained a bullet wound in the line of duty." Blair piped up from the next bed.

Good, Chief.

"I'll admit I was exhausted." Jim added in a candid, sincere tone. He tried to look very sane. "I'd been looking for stolen nerve gas that had the potential to kill millions."

The doctor looked shocked as the facts of the case were laid out.

Don't tell him you had a vision. That you dreamed you would kill your best friend and your wife and destroy your family. Don't tell him you pushed them away to keep them safe.

"I guess losing my wife... everything that happened. It all just hit me, all at once. They gave me that shot... then nothing."

Don't tell him it's all your fault.

The young doctor was impressed by the story, but still recommended Jim 'see someone' and 'talk things out'.

Jim promised.

He was released the next morning. Not that it mattered. Except for his wife's funeral, he didn't leave the hospital.

As funerals went, it was a good one. It was sad, beautiful and touching. The department came out en mass, and his father insured that everything was elegant and tasteful.

Caroline and Simon's eulogies were filled with affection and humor.

It was raining, and the service at the grave was brief. Long after everyone else had gone, Jim stood alone, staring at the polished stone.

Lily Ellison.
Beloved Wife and Mother

"I did love you Lila," he whispered desolately.

Jim shivered as he realized what he'd just said. He hadn't thought of her as Lila in years. Why now?

Was it because she lied to you? Was your whole life together a lie?

That's right, Ellison. Make it all about you.

He went to the car, were his father waited, and returned to the hospital.

So desolate and shattered was he, that only the sight of his guide singing to his daughter could have cheered him.

"Met her on a Monday and my heart stood still... da do run run run... da do run run... somebody told me that her name was Lil..."

The nurse lingering at the door gave him a sympathetic smile and left the three of them alone. "How did you get them to bring you that baby?" Jim couldn't help but smile at the soft, thready voice.

"I didn't. She just screamed and threw a temper tantrum until they surrendered and brought her here." Blair looked up from the sleepy infant. "She really does take after you."

"Not if she likes that singing." Jim went to the bassinet and stroked the silky hair.

"Hey!" Blair lay back carefully and pretended to be annoyed. "My diaphragm isn't up to loud singing just now. One high note and I'll pop a stitch."

Lily stirred and glared at her father, who lifted her gingerly. "Come on, Darlin'. You like that song?"

So it was that the Sentinel of the Great City sang a rock and roll lullaby to his drowsy infant and weary friend.

Blair:

"Can you believe they said I could take Lily home tomorrow?" Jim helped Blair climb back into bed.

The younger man could barely walk and his insides felt in eminent danger of landing in a heap on the floor. Never the less, he perked up. "Me, too?"

"Well... I hired a practical nurse. Did you know Henri's cousin was a nurse?" Jim paused as Blair rolled his eyes. "Well, anyway, I hired her to take care of Lily for a while, but then Megan, Caroline, Sally, Rhonda, my dad and half the police force offered to baby-sit."

"Home, Jim? Me?" Blair sighed in exasperation at his friends teasing. "Can I go home?"

"Well, if the baby doesn't need a full time nurse, I guess she can take care of you instead." Jim pretended that the idea just occurred to him.

"You could've just said that!"

Jim:

I don't want to do this.

Jim stood at the door of the room Lily used for an office. It had been her studio until he'd converted the garage.

He walked to the desk and looked down at the paper stacked around the computer. There were letters from galleries and bills for canvas, phone and electric bills.

Jim sat down with a groan. In the two hectic weeks since their return home, he'd let things slide.

Picking up a basket, he took out a stack of envelopes, held together with a rubber band. The top one was plain except for JIM scrawled on the front in Lily's handwriting.

He opened it and took out the single page inside.

"Practical to the end, huh Lily?" Jim tossed the letter down and stalked out. "Damn it all!" He stormed out of the house and ended up at the door to her studio. He never came here. The smell of the oil paints made him sneeze.

The door was locked, but the key was hidden in the flowerpot on the windowsill. Inside were the ghostly shapes of a dozen or so covered paintings. On the main easel was a large painting of... him.

Bemused, Jim studied the full-length portrait.

Halloween -- two years ago -- his old motorcycle stuff. Lily suggested he wear the leather vest and pants to a Halloween party. He'd put it on, but they'd never made it to the party.

She had painted him leaning back against an old Harley. "Did I look like that?" he wondered aloud. The man on the canvas was part biker and part sexual fantasy, with black leather caressing every muscle and bulge. Just looking at it made him remember the wildly erotic night.

"Oh." His face flushed, he lifted it down from the easel. I have to put this one away. It's just for me.

He began uncovering the other paintings and smiled.

These -- he had to share.

"I can walk, Jim."

"I know." Jim pushed the wheelchair toward the studio. "But it's cold and... here we are. Look."

"What? Oh, Wow."

Lily's usual subjects were flowers, huge, primitive and almost abstract. The paintings lining the room were of people. For the most part realistic, with a touch of Lily's luxurious brush strokes and brilliant colors.

"She must have worked from photos. The picnic last summer." Jim moved his friend closer.

* Darryl and Simon posed with their super-soakers, and a super soaked Caroline as their trophy.

* Megan standing behind Blair at the table, eating his food as he rolled his eyes and his mother Naomi giggled.

* William and Sally seated formally on a bench, with Jim and Steven sprawled casually on the grass in front of them.

* Joel and his wife, sitting on the porch swing, holding hands and acting romantic.

* Henri and Rafe balancing several overloaded plates, an instant before the food ended up on the ground.

* Jim and Blair sitting on the bench of the picnic table with Lily perched on the table between them. She had her arms crooked around their necks in a playful wrestling move.

"Wow! She sure loved us all, didn't she?" Blair looked at the last painting in wonder. "I remember that exact moment. I can almost smell her perfume."

"And that hand cream that smelled like Dreamsicles." Jim smiled at the memory. He had found his wife again.

This was his Lily.

With every brush stroke, she showed them how wonderful she thought they were. "Yeah, Chief. She sure did love us."

The young wolf romped with the cub. Occasionally they would pounce on the dignified Panther, kink his tail and coax him to join their antics.

In the shadows, beyond the tree line, there was a flash of white. They were being watched.

Panther stalked to the verge and called to his mate.

Here, in this dream world she could return to them any time that she chose. Her exile was self-imposed. Lily's hell was the one she'd made for herself. The one that she imagined Lila deserved.

Sharp eyes sought a glimpse of her, and failed. After a final, impassioned roar the Panther returned to the sunlight where he joined the game once more.

The End

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