Disclaimer
Okay, you know the drill. Nothing about The Sentinel belongs to me, everything about it belongs to UPN and/or Pet Fly Productions. I don't make any money from writing this, and I don't want any. I just enjoy playing with the guys, even if I have to put them back when I'm done! The song belongs to Sarah McLachlan exclusively. Thanks also to TAE for her patience and proofing efforts!
Tara
Jim stared blankly out of the window in Simon's office, listening to the upsetting report. "Jim, it was an accident." Banks put a hand around his stiff shoulders. "How long did you know each other?"
Jim sighed, "Eleven years."
Blair walked into the station as Jim was coming out of Simon's office. He paled, at the menagerie of emotions on his partner's face. "What's wrong?" Blair asked, already in guide mode, soothing. He put an arm around unresponsive shoulders.
Tortured eyes looked back at the guide. "Chief ..." Jim murmured, softly. He trailed off lamely, dropping his head, his body trembling.
"Come on, man," Blair said gently, "talk to me, let me help."
"You can't."
"I'll try, please, Jim."
"No." Jim murmured, pushing away from his guide. Blair reached out to catch his arm. In one fluid movement, Jim spun around, pushing Blair back against the wall, hard. "What part of 'no', don't you understand, Sandburg?" he growled, tightening his grip.
"Jim ..."
"Shut up, Sandburg. Just shut up and back off. You understand me?" Blair winced at the pressure Jim was applying to his body.
Joel bolted away from his desk, "God, Jim, what the hell is the matter with you?" he yelled. "Let him go, man." Glaring, Jim slammed Blair's head into the wall, then let him go. Blair slid to the ground, moaning softly. As Jim stalked off, Joel bent down to help Blair up. "Easy, kid. Nice and slow, that's it." Groaning softly, Blair leaned on the larger man for support. "You okay, Sandburg?"
The anthropologist rubbed tentatively at his head, "I think so." he moved in the direction that Jim had just gone, but Joel grabbed him.
"Let him cool down, Blair."
The halls of the university had long since been deserted, Blair sighed, gently massaging his temples. Actually considering sleeping in his office, he picked up the phone. "Ellison." Blair winced at the emptiness of the voice.
"Hey, Jim. It's me." Blair said nervously, twirling the phone cord around his fingers.
"It's good to hear your voice, Chief," Jim breathed, "I don't know what came over me today, I can't believe what happened. I am so sorry, Blair. Are you okay?"
Blair smiled, "I was going to ask you the same question, man." He shut down his computer. "I'm heading out of here now. I'll see you when I get home, okay?"
"Okay, Chief."
Hanging up the phone, Blair flipped off the lights, grabbed his jacket and left his office. Scrambling into his car he pulled out of the parking garage. Squinting in the rain, he turned his wipers up to high speed, just in time to see the dog bolt out in front of him. Swerving, his tires lost traction on the slippery road. All coherent thought left him as the car slammed into a tree.
"He's not breathing! Check his airway!" Paramedics buzzed around the unconscious guide. "I don't have a pulse. Start chest compressions!" The division from Major Crimes arrived at the scene.
"Oh my god." Taggart breathed, looking at the wreckage and then at Blair's unconscious body. Rafe started giving information to the paramedics while Joel pulled out his cell phone.
"Blood pressure 70 over 50, and dropping!"
Blair's body jerked as he was defibrillated, once, then a second time. "We've got a rhythm back!"
A neck brace was slipped around his neck as the anthropologist was packaged for transport to the hospital. Then the gurney was loaded into the ambulance.
The paramedic picked up the radio, "County General, this is unit two. We are en route. Car crash, one victim, male. Trauma to the head and chest.
"Is the victim conscious?"
"Negative."
"Understood unit two, a trauma team is standing by. What's your ETA?"
"ETA - fifteen minutes."
The sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach kept growing. He paced back and forth. "Sandburg, where are you?" Picking up the phone, he dialled in Blair's office number. "Pick up, Chief, please." Swearing softly when he didn't get a response, he replaced the receiver with a little more force then necessary.
The ER was a sea of white as the gurney was rushed into the hospital. A nurse inserted IV lines into the back of his hand as another drew a blood sample, to be rushed down to the lab.
The anthropologist was vaguely aware of a bright light being shone into his eyes. He struggled to sit up, crying out from the pain as he did so.
Strong arms pushed him gently back down onto the bed. "That's not a good idea, son," the doctor soothed, "can you tell me your name?"
"My name," Blair murmured, his eyes grew distant, "I ... I don't know." He closed his eyes.
Jim pulled the door open as Simon reached out to knock. He cringed at the look on his captain's face. "What's happened, Simon?"
"It's, Sandburg ... there's been an accident." It was killing him to see the emptiness in the sentinel's eyes.
The sentinel ran into the hospital in a frenzy, questioning every nurse he saw about his friend. Simon dragged him towards the front desk. "Excuse me," the nurse looked up from her computer, "a young man was brought here a short time ago. He's short, curly hair ..." the nurse smiled a bit.
"Yes, I remember him."
Feeling light headed, Jim reached out to hold onto the desk for support, "Is he okay, can you tell us anything?"
The nurse patted his hand gently, "The trauma team is still examining him, I can have a doctor speak to you later."
Simon nodded, "Please do that."
Jim mulled his recent actions over in his head, pacing back and forth in the waiting room. "I'm sorry, Chief, I am so sorry." he kept mumbling, guilt ridden. Simon slid his arm around the sentinel's shoulders. Jim tried to pull away, but Banks tightened his grip.
"You need a hug." he said quietly, "Stop being so damn stubborn, Jim." Ellison looked at him gratefully and relaxed into the embrace.
"Thanks, Simon."
"Your friend has suffered considerable trauma ..." Jim and Simon listened as the doctor spoke softly. "What ribs weren't broken, he bruised, and there was a severe blow to the head. That's our main concern right now, the impact seems to have induced a form of amnesia." Jim's eyes widened in fear, "Be prepared, he may not recognize you right now. He couldn't even tell us his own name."
"What can we do?" Simon cringed at the fragile sound of the sentinel's voice.
"Expose him to familiar sights, sounds, people ... but not too quickly, give him time to absorb everything."
Jim nodded weakly, "Will he recover?"
"I can't give you a guarantee, I'm afraid. Given time, it is possible that he may regain his memory."
Grasping onto the small ray of hope, Jim smiled slightly. "Can I see him?"
The doctor motioned them down the hall, "We're going to keep him in ICU for the next 24 hours, for observation. If he's stable, we'll transfer him to a normal room. Until then, you'll have to keep your visits short, and only one of you can be in the room at a time." The three men stopped in front of two large doors.
"Go ahead, Jim." Simon said softly, squeezing the sentinel's shoulder.
At a nod from the doctor, Jim slowly pushed the doors open. Taking a deep breath, he observed the scene before him. His guide's battered frame lay motionless on the bed while countless wires relayed information to the monitors around him. Sitting down quietly, he reached for the younger man's hand, rubbing it gently. "Hey, Blair." he said softly. The anthropologist's eyes fluttered open, he jerked his hand away from the sentinel. "It's okay, Blair," Jim soothed, "I'm a friend."
Sandburg's blue eyes showed no recollection, "Who are you?" he asked nervously. Deep inside of himself he heard a voice saying that he should know this man, but the memories wouldn't surface.
He smiled, "I'm your partner, Jim Ellison."
Blair looked at him, "Partner?" he repeated, unsure.
Jim nodded, "Yeah, I'm a detective with the Cascade police department."
Blair raised an eyebrow, "Oh, so I'm a cop?"
"No, you're a consultant to Major Crimes."
"On what?"
Jim swallowed, wanting to cry. "On me. You're my guide! I need you!" he screamed to himself. Slowly he reached for his guide's hand again, pleased when the anthropologist accepted the contact. "You're a student, working on your dissertation on closed societies."
Blair eyes shone with confusion, "A student? You said I was a consultant."
Jim sighed, "You're both actually. You're a part time university student, and you work with Major Crimes."
Blair rolled his eyes, "If you say so."
Jim smiled slightly, "You'll have to take my word for it, Chief." Blair raised an eyebrow. "It's a nickname, I called you that when we first met - it just happened to stick."
Blair nodded and closed his eyes, yawning. A nurse touched Jim lightly on the shoulder. "He really needs to get some rest now." she said softly. Reluctantly, he let go of his guide's hand, and left the room.
Simon watched the sentinel leave the room. The man's eyes were so distant, so ... empty. Pulling off his glasses he tried to massage away the tension that had been building that night. "How is he?" his voice was soft, soothing. Closing his eyes, and resting against the wall, Jim fought for control over his emotions. "Oh, God, he really doesn't remember." Simon thought to himself, gently he rubbed the sentinel's arm.
Unknown to the sleeping anthropologist, a sleek, jet-black panther stalked towards him. Slowly, the two bodies became one. "Hello, young one."
Startled, Blair turned. "Hello." he said slowly, nervously.
Incacha smiled warmly, "Are you ready to begin your journey?"
"Journey? Where am I going?" The Chopec didn't answer, he only vanished, leaving the anthropologist standing alone in the jungle. Frightened, he drew his arms around his chest. From behind him, the panther let out a low, throaty growl. Blair turned, shocked at his lack of fear. Slowly, he followed the great cat into the dense jungle.
The moon shone pale yellow light onto the ground beneath his feet as the anthropologist ventured further into the jungle. He followed the narrow path, reaching a small platform of jagged stone. Muscles rippling, the panther padded softly towards the platform, gracefully leaping onto it. Then the cats body shimmered. Intrigued, Blair hesitantly stepped closer, he was looking at ... himself.
"Wh ... What's going on here?" Blair stammered, nervously. He backed away, eyes wide with uncertainty.
The double stepped off of the platform. "Don't be afraid, you're in no danger here." the voice was soothing. Hesitantly, Blair stopped his retreat. The double was close now, he put his hands on Blair's shoulders. "Why do you run from Enqueri?" Blair raised an eyebrow in silent confusion. "You are his guide, his shaman ... you share a bond that goes beyond mere friendship." Blair let his mind drift back to the hospital, that man ... Jim. The double smiled, "Yes, Blair, don't fight. Let the truth surface."
Blair sighed in frustration, "I don't understand," he whimpered, "how can I be his guide? I don't even know who I am anymore." He closed his eyes.
"Your paths are the same, Blair. Help Enqueri find his way, and I promise you, you'll find yours."
When he opened his eyes again, the double was gone. From beside him, the panther let out a throaty growl. Blair saw it leap into the air and then plunge into his chest.
The jungle had dissolved away, back into his hospital room. A hand rested on his own, it felt good, right. He gingerly turned his head, the older man was sitting beside his bed, asleep. "Weird." he mumbled to himself, the older man stirred.
"Chief?" Jim sat up groggily, "Is everything okay?"
Blair sighed, "I just had the strangest dream."
Jim rubbed his hand gently. "Do you want to tell me about it?"
Blair looked at him, feeling the emotion behind the cobalt blue eyes to the very centre of his soul. He nodded slightly. "Enqueri," the voice was soft, but steady, "that's what he called you."
Jim nodded, "That's my Chopec name. I was stranded for a year and a half in Peru, they were the local tribe that took me in."
"He called me your ... guide."
Jim smiled, "You are, but you're so much more than that, Blair." he paused, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. "In Peru, something happened to me ... I don't know what. I have what you can call hyperactive senses now. Everything started to resurface after I was rescued. At first I thought I was going crazy, and then I met you." He stopped for a moment, "Is this too much?"
Blair smiled up at him, "Keep going."
The sentinel's eyes sparkled. Returning the lopsided grin, he laughed gently, "You called me a throwback to pre-civilized society ...a sentinel. Somehow, you made this sentinel thing work. You gave me back control." He gently rubbed his friend's arm, "If it weren't for you, I'd be locked up in a padded cell somewhere."
Blair's smile widened, "Wow." he breathed. "I really help you that much?"
Jim laughed, "Yes, you really do." He paused, "You've kept a journal ever since we started working together. I can bring it in for you, if you'd like."
Blair nodded, "That would be great. Do you think it will help me with my memory?"
"Couldn't hurt, Chief," Jim said softly, "but I hope so."
Blair grinned, "Me too." Jim leaned down, hugging his friend gently. He felt Blair's arm slide around his own body, returning the embrace. A nurse walked into the room carrying a small tray.
"Lunch time." she said cheerfully, placing the tray in front of Blair. The spirited young woman flashed both men a smile and then left the room. Cautiously, Blair lifted the lid to the tray.
Jim chuckled softly, watching the look of distaste that crossed Blair's face. "Hey it could be worse, you could have my heightened sense of taste." Blair started to laugh, Jim patted his arm gently. "I need to check in with the station, so I'll get out of here and let you eat. I'll come back with the journal later, okay?"
Blair smiled, "Okay, I'll see you later."
"Come." Simon glanced up from his computer to see Jim walk into his office. He whistled softly, "Damn, it's good to see you smile again, Jim. Sandburg must be doing better, huh?"
Sliding into a chair, he sighed happily. "He opened to me, Simon. We had a great talk."
"About what?"
Jim grinned sheepishly, "Mainly me. I told him about the sentinel thing."
Simon laughed softly, "And he didn't start screaming for the nurse? I guess that's a good sign."
Jim started to laugh, "He took it really well actually. I'm going back a little later this afternoon."
"How was lunch, Chief?" Jim grinned, ducking as Blair's pillow shot towards his head. "That good, huh?" Picking up the pillow he brought it back over to the bed, fluffing it before placing it back behind Blair's head. Then he smoothed the blanket on the bed.
"You're not going to tuck me in, are you?" Blair laughed.
"No, but I did bring you a bedtime story." Jim teased, placing the journal on the bed.
"Thanks, mom." Blair retorted, laughing so hard his ribs hurt.
Jim cuffed him softly in the shoulder, "And what's wrong with Naomi? She raised one hell of a kid."
Blair smiled, "Thanks."
The halls of the hospital had long since been empty. Unable to sleep, Blair propped himself up on one arm, and opened the journal. Fascinated, he devoured page after page.
"...His dad was pretty hard on them. Always pitting one against the other. Manipulative. Mean. I think, in some way, I've taken the place of Steven. It's OK for him to care about me, the way he wanted to care about his brother, but was never allowed. On the other hand, I never had a real male role model when I was growing up. Jim fills those roles for me. Even the 'house rules' are OK. He's given me a...stability I never knew I was missing, until I found it. This is Home, now. With a capital H. I wouldn't change it for anything, if it meant having to give up what I have, having to give up Jim...I'd never trade. It isn't worth it..." Softly closing the journal, he laid back gently, tears streaming down his face.
Blair could make out the lone figure sitting cross legged on the ground as he approached. Incacha smiled, he sat down in front of him. "Have you found your answers, young one?"
Blair smiled wistfully, nodding. Then his eyes grew distant, "How could I have forgotten, Incacha?" he pounded the ground with his fist, frustrated. "How could I forget him?" slowly he raised his eyes to meet Incacha's.
The voice was soft. "You are human, your physical mind was in prison, but your soul was always free to journey."
Blair smiled, looking up as Jim came through the door. "I'm glad you're here." he said softly. "Sorry about calling you at work ..."
Jim returned the grin, silencing him with a raised hand, "No problem, Chief. You said it was important. Is everything okay?"
Blair looked into his sentinel's eyes. He reached for, and found, his hand. A soft smile played at his lips, "Yeah, Jim. Everything's fine. In fact ... everything is great." He played with the journal in his lap, "I just realized ..." closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, calming himself. "I'm your guide."
Jim made no attempt to hide the tears welling up in his eyes, softly he squeezed Blair's shoulder. "Of course you are, Chief."
Epilogue
"Geez, Jim, enough already!" Blair smiled weakly as the sentinel practically carried him into the loft, already in mother hen mode. Paying him no heed, Jim carried him over to the couch, setting him down carefully.
"Can I get you anything, tea? Are you hungry?"
Blair laughed, "I'd love some tea, Jim, but I'll get it." Strong arms prevented him from standing up.
"No, I will get it, Chief," Jim said, a lecturing tone creeping into his voice, "all you are going to do is relax, and take it easy. Am I making myself clear?" a smile played across his face as he tried to look serious.
Blair sighed in resignation, "Crystal." he muttered under his breath, his lower lip protruding in protest.
"Good." Jim grinned, he stood up and headed into the kitchen, stopping briefly to flip on the stereo. In less then ten minutes, he was pushing a warm mug into the guide's hands. Blair swallowed the warm liquid.
"You okay, Jim?" The sentinel's eyes were distant. Blair patted the cushion next to him and Jim sat down. "Jim?" his voice was soothing.
Jim smiled weakly, "I was just thinking about the last time I saw you before the accident. We never did get a chance to talk about what happened."
A soft smile spread across the guide's face, "Jim, I know that you didn't mean to hurt me, but why were you so upset?"
Sighing, Jim closed his eyes, "Dennis Munroe ... he was a cop, hell he was one of the best." he trailed off, Blair gently squeezed his hand, encouraging him.
"What happened, Jim?"
A shudder passed through Jim's body, "He was killed." He turned crystal blue eyes on the guide, "A bomb his team was transporting accidentally went off." Shaking slightly, Jim continued, "I used to think he was invincible - nothing could touch him."
Sensing the need, Blair reached out and hugged his friend. A wistful smile played at his lips, "I know what you mean." He hugged a little tighter, "God, I couldn't imagine losing you."
That did it, Jim broke down, tears sliding freely down his face. "Ditto, Chief." he said, gasping in mouthfuls of air. Blair continued to hold him until he felt Jim's body calm down. "You mean so much to me, Blair." he whispered into the guide's hair. "I couldn't handle losing you either." Softly in the background, a song played ... both men smiled.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
The End