This is a big tearjerker, my friends. Lots of angst and the death of a minor character. If you read the end, you'll understand why I had to write this.
Big thanks to DebbieLD, who was kind enough to beta for me and agree with me on how wonderful it would be to have a friend like Jim.
Shallan
Butler Cemetery, Illinois
It was almost 10:00 a.m. and the bright sun was quickly increasing the temperature to an uncomfortable level. There was almost no wind blowing, making the cemetery seem more oppressively hot than it really was.
Blair Sandburg stood alone under a group of tall elms; the uncharacteristic dark suit he wore clung to his body as a testimony to the amount of humidity hanging in the air. He was staring off along the rows of gravestones and monuments as if he were studying the myriad shapes and sizes. A car passed slowly behind him along the road leading to the dark green canopy covering the chairs lined up in front of the open grave, but he didn't turn to acknowledge it. His mind wasn't there, seeing or hearing anything around him. It was back at the loft, his home at 852 Prospect Avenue in Cascade, Washington, number 307, remembering what had brought him to this place and time.
Cascade, Washington -- 6 Days Earlier
Why can't the phone company move faster with putting in the DSL lines? Blair mused as he waited for his computer to finish loading the web page he'd requested. It was Wednesday, July 4th, and surprisingly enough he wasn't working. His roommate and partner, Jim Ellison, had decided to go into the precinct to sign off a report on a case they'd just closed. Then later, the two men were going to join a group of their friends and fellow workers from Major Crime for a cookout at Joel Taggart's house. For the first time in months, the city was quiet; there weren't any crimes demanding long hours, little sleep and missed meals.
The trill sound of the telephone ringing startled Blair out of his thoughts. He'd forgotten they now had phone service in the loft that allowed him to be on line with his computer yet not tie up the telephone. One too many times he'd been researching something on the Internet and Jim had been trying to reach him.
Leaning over, he grabbed up the receiver. "Hello?"
"I'd like... uh, is this the number for Blair Sandburg?"
"Speaking."
~sigh~ "Blair? This is Keith Chambers. Do you remember me?"
Blair's mind raced. When someone called and asked that question, it never boded good news. "I'm sorry, but--"
"I know it has been a long time, at least 10 years, but you stayed at my farm in Illinois."
"Keith! Yeah! Your place was outside that college town and you raised cattle, right?"
"Right. I have the ranch outside of Bloomington."
"Yeah, I remember. Naomi and I stayed with you just before I took off for college. Wow! Long time no hear from. How are you doing, man?" Blair leaned back in his chair, a big smile spreading on his face.
The other on the line was silent for several seconds before he said, "Blair, I got your number from Naomi's phone book. You need to get here as soon as possible."
Blair sat up straight in his chair. "What's happened? Is mom all right? Has something happened to her?"
Again, there was a long silence. Then, "She's very ill, Blair. The doctors are saying that she only has days."
"Oh, God!" Blair choked out. "Days? What happened? What's the matter with her?"
"She was feeling very ill and her throat was bothering her, like she was being choked. And she was coughing like her lungs were full of fluid. I finally talked her into going to see a doctor about it on Friday and they admitted her to have some tests done."
"She was just out here a couple of weeks ago. She told me she was just getting over a virus. Yeah, she looked a little rough, but bronchitis can cause that."
"I'm sorry, Blair. It's cancer. The tests showed that she has two tumors on her right lung, one pressing against her throat and larynx. They performed a biopsy on both of them and they are cancerous. It's too far advanced and there's nothing they can do."
A sob caught in Blair's throat. "Nothing?"
Compassion filled Chamber's voice. "I'm sorry. She didn't ask me to call you, but I thought..."
"Oh, God." Running a hand through his hair more as an unconscious gesture than to pull it back from his face, Blair's eyes searched around the loft before resting on the computer. "Okay, I'm on the Internet now. I'll find a flight and try to be there tomorrow night. Friday at the latest."
"Good. I can meet you at the airport here, if you want."
"No, I can probably get to you faster if I fly into a larger city and rent a car. Wh -- which hospital is she in? Bloomington Central?"
"She was there at first, but they moved her down to St. Johns in Springfield. It practices the leading treatments for cancer patients despite... Uh, do you need directions?"
"No, I'll use City Search and print them out. Th-thanks for calling me, Keith. I'll see you when I get in." Without waiting for the other's reply, Blair disconnected the call and carefully laid the telephone down.
"Days," he murmured, rubbing both hands over his face then up into his hair until he had them fisted in the curls. He sat for several minutes this way, his eyes clenched shut. The muscles along his jaws flexed as he struggled to not fling his head back and scream at the top of his lungs. Finally, after a single tear trickled down his face, he took a deep breath, opened his eyes and again reached for the phone.
"Jim? I... could you tell Simon that I need to take some time off." Blair's voice was thick with emotion. He was struggling to keep from crying, but was losing the fight.
"What's the matter, Chief? What's wrong?"
Blair closed his eyes again and tried to take deep breaths to calm himself. It didn't work. Finally, he allowed the tears to flow. "It's m-my mom. She's -- oh God, Jim..."
"Sit tight, Blair. I'm coming home."
At the forcefulness of his friend's words, Blair caught his breath and gained a small amount of control. "No, you don't have to. I -- I'm going to check on line for flights to Illinois, see if I can get something for tomorrow."
"Illinois? What's she doing in Illinois?"
"I don't know, except that she was probably visiting some friends. Actually, she was with a friend we'd known a long time ago. H-he just called me. Told me that Naomi was in a hospital there a-and she only has days. I've got to get there as s-soon as possible."
"I'll be home in less than fifteen, Chief."
"Okay, thanks." This came out as barely a whisper, but the line was already dead. Laying the phone back down, he wiped the tears from his eyes then rubbed his hand on his pants to dry them. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out forcefully, he set his hands onto the keyboard of his computer and started typing.
Major Crime Bullpen, Cascade P.D.
Jim Ellison stood up as the dropped the telephone receiver to his telephone back into the cradle. He'd known something was wrong with his friend and partner before the young man had called. He'd been reaching toward the phone when it had started ringing. Now that he knew there wasn't anything physically wrong with Blair, he felt a small wave of relief wash over him.
The bond between the two men was still developing, growing stronger all the time due to their acceptance of it and why it connected them. They could find each other, if they really had to, and could feel if the other were hurt physically or in trouble. When Sandburg called, Ellison knew that his partner wasn't injured, but he was hurting all the same. It had been a dull ache in his chest and Ellison knew he had to talk to his partner.
Stepping around his desk, Ellison strode to the door of the office belonging to Capt. Simon Banks and rapped on the glass. He knew his superior was in there, having watched the other travel through the bullpen with an open report in one hand and a large bagel in the other. At the call of 'come', Jim opened the door and stepped in.
"Ah, Jim. What are you doing here? I thought you and Sandburg were taking today off." Banks asked, returning his gaze to the papers lying in front of him. He'd glanced up only long enough to see who was at his door.
Ellison stopped in front of Banks' desk and stood there with his hands clasped lightly behind his back. "We are, but I forgot to sign the report on that kidnap case we just finished. Uh, I just got a call from Sandburg and we're going to need a few more days off."
That brought Simon's head back up sharply. "What happened? Is the kid okay?"
Jim raised a hand. "He's fine, sir. Well, he's not hurt physically, but apparently something has happened to his mother and it doesn't sound good. He has to fly to Illinois and, by the way he sounds, I don't think he should be going there alone."
"I hope she'll be okay."
"It sounded like she is dying. He said he was told she's in a hospital and only had days. Now he's trying to find a flight. I'd like to go with him, sir."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Ms. Sandburg always seemed to be such a vibrant woman. We only have our parents for so long, though sometimes we're not lucky to have them at all. I lost my mother when I was in my 20's and my father died less than six months later. Guess he didn't want to stay around without her." Banks let his gaze slide away from his detective and stare at the statues and pictures on his bookcase for several seconds before he shook his head and brought his attention back. "Go ahead. Tell Blair that I said he could take as much time as he needed. If he needs anything at all, let me know."
Ellison relaxed. He'd almost been afraid he would be denied the leave, though he knew it couldn't be denied to Sandburg. The leave policy for city employees allowed an individual the right to take as much leave as necessary to care for severely ill family members or for a family death. It didn't allow the partner such leeway, no matter how close the two were. The fact that Banks knew about the partnership between Ellison and Sandburg, and the bond that connected them as Sentinel and Shaman, made it easier for the two to support each other in times of need.
"Thank you, sir. I'll keep in touch and let you know what happens." When Banks nodded in approval, Ellison turned and left the office. Stopping only long enough to grab his jacket from the coat rack behind his desk, he quickly trotted out of the bullpen.
Running up the stairs, Jim had his hearing trained toward the loft and his friend. The ache in his chest had lessened, but he could still feel Blair's anxiety. The sounds coming from the loft were muttered curses and keys on a computer being typed furiously. Pulling his keys from his coat pocket as he reached the landing on the third floor, Jim slid the key into the lock and had the door open without having to pause hardly at all.
The man sitting at the kitchen table didn't acknowledge the other's entrance into the loft, allowing Jim to get a good look at his friend. He could see the tear tracks on Blair's face, some still damp from recent crying. The younger man's face was pale except for the redness around his eyes and under his nose. Jim saw the innocence and vulnerability he always knew his friend had but tended to hide behind a facade of confidence and bravado.
"Hey, Chief," Jim called out, closing the door and taking off his coat to hang on the nearby hook. "How are you doing, buddy?"
Startled out of his concentration, Blair jerked his head up and hastily wiped at any evidence of tears on his face. "Jim, you didn't have to come right home." Jumping up from his chair, Blair grabbed the cup sitting next to his computer and moved into the kitchen. He placed it on the counter then picked up the teapot from the stove and started filling it with water.
Walking carefully into the kitchen behind his friend, Ellison focused his senses on Sandburg. The smaller man's hands were shaking, his heart rate was elevated and there was a small hitch in his breathing. "Blair," Jim said, then waited until the other finally turned toward him. "Talk to me."
Placing the full teapot onto the stove, Blair turned around and leaned back against a counter. He could see the determination in his friend's eyes and, after sighing in resignation, started talking. "I was working on the computer, trying to find some info about a study being performed at Cambridge on the human senses, how they're eroding in our current society and how animals are also being affected. I thought that if there were any researchers doing anything that might be similar to my sentinel research, I could study what they--" Glancing at his friend's face, Blair stopped rambling. Jim would be patient, but eventually he would have to talk about it.
"Anyway, I got a call from this guy we once stayed with about 10-15 years ago. Keith Chambers. We stayed on his farm in Illinois for several months before I had to leave for my first year at Rainier. I guess she was visiting there and wasn't feeling too good. Remember how she was when she visited here last month? You said she didn't sound good." At Jim's nod of agreement, Blair continued. "Well, Keith was able to get Naomi to go to a doctor last week and they admitted her to a hospital for some tests. She has cancer, Jim. Two big tumors and they're only giving her days to live. I have to get back there as soon as possible before... um, before..." Choking on the tears that flowed freely down his cheeks, Blair covered his face with his hands and sagged in sorrow. He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and pull him gently into a warm body. He gave in and accepted the compassion that flowed through the bond between the two men.
"It's okay, Blair. Let it go. Let it out, Buddy. I've got you here," Jim murmured, gently holding the unresisting body against his own. He felt the sorrow flowing through Blair's soul, the silent sobs that rattled the smaller body, the wetness of the tears.
"Why, Jim? She had to know about the tumors long before she came here. Why didn't she tell me?"
The words were muffled against Jim's chest, but the taller man heard them clearly. "Maybe she didn't want you to worry, Chief. Your mother loves you very much and the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt you. You know that."
The head against his chest nodded and Jim continued. "Would you have done as much as you did together if you'd known she was so sick? I swear the two of you barely got four hours of sleep a night."
Blair took a deep breath and pulled away from the arms holding him. They loosened reluctantly, allowing Blair to take a few steps back. "That's not the point, man. She knew and she didn't tell me."
"And what would you have done if you had known sooner?"
Wiping his face, Blair walked back toward the table and sat back down at the computer. "I don't know, spend as much time with her as possible. Be with her during the doctor visits and with her now instead of trying to get there before she... goes."
"Give up your life for her. Just like you did for me." Jim watched Blair flinch at the last part and continued, "Do you really think she would have wanted you to do that? I doubt it, not if I know your mother."
Blair stared down at the computer screen, watching the ocean creatures swimming through the screen saver for several long seconds. Finally, he shook his head and quietly said, "No. It took forever for her to accept my forgiveness after the dissertation fiasco. And ever since then she's always asked permission before showing up."
"And she's been here for you on every accomplishment since. What have you found to get us to her as quickly as possible?" Jim asked, pulling a chair around and sitting down next to Blair.
"Us? You want to come?" A surprised but pleased look covered Blair's face.
"You're my partner, my friend and my shaman. When you hurt, I hurt. Where else would I be? So, where are we going and how long will it be?" Placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, Jim leaned around until he could see the computer screen.
Blair flushed slightly with pleasure then typed in the password to end the screensaver. "I've tried a couple of the search programs and this was the best I could find. The only thing with seats available is a flight out of Seattle that leaves tomorrow afternoon. It goes to Houston, where we would have to change planes for a flight into St. Louis. Unfortunately, it has a short layover time, so we'll probably have to hoof it through the airport. Then we'd have to rent a car to drive up to Springfield. That will take about an hour and a half."
"No flights into Springfield? Isn't it the capital of Illinois?"
Blair snorted. "It hasn't changed since I was there all those years ago. The only thing that goes in or out of the city is turbo prop aircraft and, by the time we get into St. Louis, the last one would have just left. As for coming back, I've set it up for next Thursday. If we need more time, we can always change it."
"Okay, Chief, book it. Simon said we could have the time off and he also said to call him if we needed anything." Giving the shoulder under his hand a firm squeeze, Jim stood up and moved his chair back to its original position. Walking back into the kitchen, Jim said, "I know you may not feel like it, but I think we should still go to Joel's tonight"
"I don't know. I really don't feel like partying tonight." Blair continued to type on the computer, stopping only to pull out his wallet and his credit card.
"It wouldn't be to party. At times like this, the best thing you can do is have your friends around you. You don't have to handle this alone."
"I know I'm not alone, Jim." Blair looked up at his friend, tapped his chest then returned his attention back to the computer. "Even when I'm by myself, I'm not alone."
"Then let all your friends help you shoulder your pain." Ellison's plea was low, quiet and very sincere.
Lifting shining eyes back towards his friend, Blair smiled. "Thanks, Jim. I will."
Houston International Airport, Thursday Night
Angry and frustrated, Ellison stalked away from the telephone at the Continental Airlines customer assistance desk and back to the chairs where he'd left Sandburg. Since arriving at the airport in Seattle, it seemed like everything that could go wrong with trying to get to St. Louis had gone wrong. First, the flight out of the SeaTac was delayed. The plane they were supposed to take was late in arriving due to weather from its point of origination in California. Therefore, they didn't take off until almost an hour after they were supposed to. Then, once landing at the Houston airport, their plane had to sit on the taxiway for almost 15 minutes until their gate was cleared of another plane that was running late. This caused them to miss their connecting flight by 5 minutes. Unfortunately, it was the last flight out of Houston to St. Louis. The earliest one wasn't expected to take off until 9:30 the next morning. To top it all off, Continental Airlines was not obligated to provide hotel rooms to those who missed their connection, since the delay was caused by weather. They just provided Ellison with a list of hotels and pointed him to an airport telephone to try to find someplace to stay the night.
But their bad luck didn't end there. Jim had called every hotel on the list, each telling him they didn't have any rooms available. Seems the flooding caused by Hurricane Allison not too long ago still had people displaced by the high waters occupying most of the rooms, as well as people from the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Of course, Jim and Blair's flight wasn't the only one delayed that night, just the last one.
"Sorry, Chief. I tried everything up to pulling my gun and demanding that they find us a flight. Due to the weather in the Midwest, nothing is heading in that direction until morning. I guess you and I are stuck here for the night." Jim dropped his body into the chair next to his friend and checked him over with his senses.
Blair was leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. Dark circles surrounded his eyes, accented by his pale complexion. His temperature was slightly elevated and there was a slight trembling of his hands when he reached up to brush his hair back from his face. When he raised his head and looked at his friend, Jim could see that Blair's eyes were slightly red rimmed.
"Glad you restrained yourself, man. Despite wanting a bed for the night, I don't think I want to be offered one in the local jail. So, we're stuck here?"
"They've got us booked on the first flight out in the morning. I demanded they assign us seats tonight. Didn't want to risk being put on standby in the morning because we don't have original bookings. How about getting something to eat and drink before all the restaurants close." Using his enhanced eyesight, Jim spotted a sign down the concourse. "There's a place that won't be closed for almost an hour. Let's go."
Taking a hand raised by Blair, Jim pulled his friend up out of the chair. They both grabbed their carry-on bags and dodged through the milling travelers until they arrived at the restaurant. Sitting down at the bar, Jim pulled out a menu from the basket sitting at the edge of the counter. "You still got the telephone number for the car rental place?"
Blair dug through his backpack and pulled out a small notebook. "Yeah, got it right here."
"Give them a call and let them know we won't need the car until tomorrow. They can check with the airline to verify that our flight to here was delayed. Here. Use my phone. I charged it before we left." Jim handed his cell phone to Blair then signaled to one of the people in the restaurant's uniform and began ordering when he arrived. "Two beers, whatever you have on tap that's domestic but not a Miller product, a couple of burgers well done and house salads with ranch dressing on the side. You want anything else, Chief?"
Blair looked up after dialing a number on the cell phone. "Huh? No, that sounds good even though I'm not that hungry."
"You gotta eat, Sandburg. You've barely eaten enough to keep a bird alive the past couple of days."
"I know, Jim. I'm just not hungry. You can understand, can't you? Hey, hi there. My name is Blair Sandburg and I have a car rented that I was supposed to pick up tonight. Well..."
Ellison allowed his friend's voice to fade from his ears as he worked with the rental clerk on changing his reservation. He was going to have to watch Sandburg over the next few days. The younger man didn't sleep well the night before and he'd barely eaten last night or most of the day. He'd seen this behavior a few times before and swore that he'd step in his role of Blessed Protector as many times as he had to in order to take care of his friend.
"All done. They won't charge us for the extra day and have adjusted the contract," Blair said, closing up the cell and handing it back to his friend. Reaching forward, he picked up the frosty glass of beer placed before him and took a long drink. Blair closed his eyes and savored the feeling of the cold brew flowing past his dry, sore throat. He hummed in pleasure as it continued its way to his stomach.
"I agree, Chief," Jim commented with a chuckle at his friend's action. He'd already had his first taste while Blair was still on the phone. "This really hits the spot." Then he lifted his glass again and took another drink.
Leaning both elbows onto the counter, Blair fiddled with his beer glass before he finally turned to his friend. "Thanks, Jim." At the other's raised eyebrow, he continued, "Thank you for being there at home and coming with me now. I don't know how I'm going to handle all this tomorrow, but I'm really glad you'll be there with me."
Jim leaned over and tapped his glass against Blair's. "As I said before, where else would I be?"
The night at the airport had been long and cold. By 11:00 p.m., the number of people in the concourse had dropped drastically. There were only those arriving on the last inbound flights for the evening. By midnight there were only the cleaning crew and the few unfortunates who had to sleep at the airport. Airplane pillows and blankets seemed to magically appear before the last counter person had disappeared. Ellison snagged several for both him and Sandburg, helping his friend wrap up and get as comfortable as possible in the uncomfortable chairs. Neither slept very well, getting maybe two or three hours, so they spent part of the evening just talking.
Finally they were able to catch their flight into St. Louis and pick up the rental car. Blair seemed to wilt in the oppressive heat and humidity when the two walked out of the terminal and over to the stop to catch the bus to the car rental agency. Taking control of the situation, Jim signed for the contract, took the keys and led his partner to the vehicle. He got him settled into the passenger seat of the sedan and started it up to get the air conditioner going.
"Where's the directions to the hospital, Chief?" Jim asked as he pulled out of the parking lot. He knew how to get onto the different freeways that would eventually get them across the Mississippi River and into Illinois, but he also knew that Blair would probably fall asleep before they got halfway to their destination.
Dragging his pack from the back seat, Blair dug down into it and pulled out a couple of loose pages. He also pulled out his glasses case. "Here. Once we get onto Interstate 55, we follow it all the way into Springfield. It changes over to Business 55 and finally becomes Sixth Street. We stay on that until we get to the parking garage at Sixth and Madison. Huh, that sounds easy enough. I don't think even I could get lost using these directions." Folding up the papers, he tucked them into the console separating his and Jim's seat and took his glasses back off.
"I don't know about that, Sandburg. You almost got lost in the airport last night trying to find a bathroom, and it has only three concourses."
"That's right, man. Abuse me. You know, there's a navigating class being offered at the community college this fall. I'm seriously considering registering for it. Their final test is for the students to be dropped by helicopter into one of the National Forests and they have to find their way out by using what they've learned in class."
"Let me know if you do take it. I'll make sure the National Guard is on alert. Lord only knows what trouble you'd get yourself into with that endeavor." Jim looked over at his friend and smiled. It grew larger when Blair gave him a playful punch to the arm. "It looks like we've got some time ahead of us. Why don't you see if you can get some sleep? You'll probably need it."
Blair took a deep breath then let it out as he stared at the passing St. Louis scenery. Finally he said, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Wake me when we get close, okay?"
"Sure thing, Chief." Ellison glanced back over at his friend as he shifted his body around to lean against the door. He turned his attention back to the road, but monitored Sandburg as his friend slid into a light sleep. Jim decided that, if he could, he'd let Blair sleep until they got to the city limits.
St. Johns Hospital, Springfield, Illinois
"Blair! Hi." A tall, heavyset man with silver hair limped forward with a cane to meet the two detectives as they entered the lobby of the hospital. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept for days, or eaten very regularly, either.
Blair smiled and extended hiss hand. "Keith. Hey, man. It has been a long time."
"Time is gentle on some and hell on others. I see you're one of the former while I claim the latter. Good eating has caused this," he patted his belly, "and working with stupid cows has caused this." Chambers lifted his cane. "I'm glad you were able to make it, though I wish it had been last night."
"Weather problems delayed our flight and we got stuck in Houston. This is my partner, Jim Ellison. Jim, this is Keith Chambers. He's an old friend of Naomi's and mine. How is she?" The last Blair said with a slight tremor in his throat.
Chambers dropped his head, sighed and fiddled with his cane before he looked back up into Sandburg's anxious eyes. He saw that Ellison had stepped closer to his friend and laid a hand onto the smaller man's shoulder. "She slipped into a coma this morning. They don't expect her to come out of it. You know she has a living will, don't you?"
Tears filled Blair's eyes, but he blinked hard to keep them from spilling. Clearing his throat, he answered, "Yeah, I do. She made sure I knew about it right after she had it done. I guess that means..."
"The only thing they have her on is oxygen. I have to warn you, though. She's sliding into the final stage."
"Final stage?"
Jim answered the question. "That means she's probably in a fetal position and her body temperature is rising. It could last for hours or a day or two. Normally, it will only be a day. I was a medic in the Army and have learned a lot of medical things over the last few years." Jim said the last part due to the raised eyebrow sent in his direction by Keith. "It is going to be rough, Chief. Are you ready?"
Blair swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah. You don't have to come, Jim."
Ellison just stared down at his friend. Sandburg gave him a grateful smile and turned back to Chambers. "Lead the way, Keith. I want to see my mom."
The ride up on the elevator was short, but the walk through the halls seemed to take forever. The hospital had several wings and to get between them usually involved going back down to the lobby level and taking another elevator up or walking through what seemed to be endless corridors. Finally, the three stood outside of room G621.
When Blair stood at the doorway, staring into the room and the curtain that was drawn around the bed, Jim placed an arm around his friend's shoulder. "I'm here with you, Blair."
The smaller man lifted his hand up and squeezed the one resting on his arm. Unable to speak, he nodded and started forward.
The sight that met his eyes was something that would stay with him for the rest of his life. He'd seen others in the hospital, hooked up to what seemed to be a multitude of machines. He'd sat by Jim's bed a number of times while his friend recuperated from gunshot wounds, head injuries and other things that could have easily killed him. He even remembered waking up after his overdose on the drug Golden, the plastic air tube down his throat and enough needles in his body to make him feel like a pincushion. In all those times, he knew Jim was going to live and he would survive. But this was totally different.
Naomi lay curled on her side in the bed facing the door. Her normally vibrant red hair looked dull as it masked her pale face. The only sounds that could be heard were the gentle sound of the oxygen blowing into the mask on the woman's face and her labored breathing. If Blair didn't know better, his mother looked like she was asleep and would wake up at any time. But he did know better.
Stepping up to the bed, Blair grabbed onto the stainless steel bar of the bed rail and bent forward until he could lean down and kiss his mother lightly on the forehead. When he leaned back up, he took his hand and gently brushed her hair back away from her face. At a level that only Jim could hear, Blair whispered, "I'm here, mom. I was able to make it. I'm glad that you waited for me, but it's okay to go. I love you very much."
Butler Cemetery, Present Day
"Chief?"
Blair turned at the voice he knew so well and saw Jim standing at the edge of the road. His friend had given him his space, but stayed near in case he was needed. Blair had felt Jim's presence behind him and was grateful for the strength he provided.
"The service is ready to start," Jim said when he knew he had Blair's attention.
The smaller man nodded, turned and walked back through the grass until he finally reached the gravel road and the comforting figure of Jim Ellison. The two walked purposefully along the road until they finally reached the canopy. The hearse that had brought the remains of Naomi Sandburg was parked a short ways off and the casket was now perched on the stand in front of the chairs.
"I never expected anything like this," Jim commented quietly, looking around the cemetery. "I always expected your mother to be cremated and her ashes to be spread at some exotic place."
"Surprised me, too. But Naomi was a creature of the land despite the amount of traveling she did. Keith told me that she'd had him get the plot and headstone about five years ago. I guess she might have known she was ill back then."
Taking his friend's arm gently, Jim guided Blair until he was seated in the center of the row of chairs. Then he took the seat beside him and casually scanned the area. In the row directly behind them sat Keith Chambers and a few of his family members. A few others were standing and scattered behind the chairs, friends and distant relatives of Naomi's whom Blair had introduced Jim to the night before at the visitation. A very small group of people for a woman who seemed to be able to make friends anywhere.
Off to the side sat a few flower and plant bouquets sent by well-wishers; a small rose bush to be planted beside the headstone had been sent by the men and women of Major Crime. Blair had almost cried when he commented on how much his mother would appreciate the plant. She so loved roses and how the hardy plant would be able to survive the harsh, Midwest winters.
The minister, the Reverend Mr. Green, stepped forward and shook Blair's hand. He spoke gentle consoling words, and Blair nodded in thanks. Then the man stepped back and began the service. Blair heard Mr. Green say a few kind things about Naomi before opening the Bible in his hands and begin reading. The first passage was the 23rd Psalm and Blair mouthed the words along with him. Yes, his and Naomi's last name was Sandburg, but neither had truly followed the Jewish faith. Naomi had always felt it wrong to force her son onto a path that he didn't chose of his own free will and Blair, being a true anthropologist, kept his mind open to all religions. Keith had been the one to ask Mr. Green to officiate at the service.
After the prayer, Mr. Green started speaking about Naomi, the life she'd lived and how she had brought so much into the world that would never be forgotten. As he continued to speak, Blair heard the long, mournful howl of a wolf and turned his head to look in the direction of the sound. It was off to the right, toward a stand of maple trees at the edge of the cemetery. There was a small gully between the graveyard and the trees. Out of the corner of his eye Blair could see that Jim was also looking in that direction, but no one else seemed to know what was happening.
As the two men looked, they saw the form of a gray wolf lying at the edge of the gully near the maple trees. When the animal saw that it was being watched, it stood up, lifted its head and again gave a long, sorrowful howl. Blair's breath caught in his throat at the sound and Jim draped his arm over his friend's shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze. Then, as the two continued to look at the majestic animal, another stepped out from the trees and went to stand by the first. It was big, black and had a long tail. The feline brushed against the lupine to get its attention then the two wandered back into the trees. As soon as they disappeared, the minister finished his sermon and the service broke up.
"Did we both see what I think we saw? My wolf and your black jaguar?" Blair asked when the two men were finally alone and were walking back to the car.
"You were able to see both of them, too?" Jim pulled up short and stared at his friend.
Blair smiled at his friend's look of surprise. "Yeah. This was a first, man. I'd never been able to see your big boy before. He reminded me of you, too."
"Oh? And how so?"
"Didn't you see? My guy was standing there, howling away in sorrow, and your guy comes up and takes control of the situation by leading mine away. Just like you, man. When I'm hurting or in trouble, you step in and help me." Blair finished by giving his friend a large smile, the first one he'd done in days.
Ellison returned it with one of his own, pleasure almost glowing on his face. "Same here, Chief. Same here." The two men stared at each other for several long seconds until Jim broke the gaze and opened his car door. "You ready to go, Blair? Chambers invited us to lunch with the rest of his family, but we don't have to if you don't want to. Our flight out isn't for several hours."
"I'd rather head back down to St. Louis and find a place to eat there. Who knows, maybe we can find a way to get on an earlier flight out. I'm feeling the need to go home and just be in our territory." Blair turned and looked back toward the gravesite, seeing the group of men gathering to finish the burial. So long, Naomi. I'll be seeing you one day. Please don't be angry if I hope that day is a long time off. Then he turned back to the car, opened the door and climbed in.
"Then let's go home."
The End
For those of you who know the story, I lost my mother in July. I wrote this story as a sort of catharsis for the pain and hurt I'm still feeling inside. I've been told that I need to cry at least 200 times for the pain to be bearable. I think it will take a lot longer.
Most of the things that happened in the story are pretty much what happened to me. I was on the computer on July 4th and received a call from my brother, Keith. Our mother had known she was dying of cancer for months, two tumors on her lungs, but had never told us. We think she was either in denial, didn't want us to take her cigarettes away from her or just didn't want to worry us. Only two weeks earlier, she had been out to visit me in Colorado for the first time since I'd moved out here 3 1/2 years ago. It was the last time I was able to speak to her face to face. I arrived at the hospital in Springfield on Friday afternoon and she was already in a coma. I was able to say goodbye and tell her that it was okay for her to move on. She passed away early the next morning, going quietly in her sleep, and was laid to rest on the next Tuesday. I changed my flight arrangements so that I could come back to my home on Tuesday night.
The flight trouble happened on my way back to Colorado. I was at the airport in St. Louis early and checked in for my flight. The guy at the ticket counter had known that the airplane coming in for the flight was going to be late due to weather in New Jersey and knew that I had a short amount of time between flights. He still checked me through. We were late getting into Houston and Continental Airlines acted exactly the way I described it. This was the first time I had ever had to sleep in an airport. It was cold, lonely and I hope it never happens again. I was placed onto the first flight into Colorado the next morning and was lucky I had gotten a seat assignment the night before. It was an overbooked flight... as usual. We were also almost 45 minutes late taking off on that flight, too. You can probably guess how I feel about flying on this airline ever again.
Though there wasn't anything as cool as a wolf howling at the cemetery, a pair of F-16 jets did just happen to fly over during the ceremony on their way back to the base. As my sister and I are both members of the Air National Guard, she still with the unit there in Springfield and I a former member now with the unit in Colorado, it was thought that the fly over was somehow arranged. It wasn't, but the thought that it might have been pleased our father very much. He and mom were always so proud of our association with the Air Guard.
For any of you who haven't gone through the pain of losing a parent, I pray that you have the friends that I have helping me through this time. Though, I do wish I had had someone like Jim with me during all the traveling. In Springfield, guys that I hadn't see for over three years, but worked with at the Guard, came to the visitation. Here in Colorado, one of my neighbors brought over a box of food to help tide me over if I didn't want to go to the store. A friend from work, who lives nearby, watched my house and took care of my cats when I had to race to Illinois. My fan fiction friends, fellow TS writers and the gals of Black Panther Productions have been the best, especially Cindy Combs and Toni Rae. They were the coordinators of a Shallan care package that almost had me crying at the restaurant where we meet at every month. They still remind me that I can call them at any time if I need to.
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I hope those of you who are Naomi fans are not upset that I've killed her off. I don't feel I could ever have written the woman properly, which is why she's never appeared in any of my stories outside of BPP. But she was able to help me with this time in my life and I'm glad she was created.