This one's for everyone who thinks Blair could never be a cop and should have had his position at the University restored. You all inspired this one. Thanks, and hope you enjoy *G*. The story starts the evening that Blair was tossed that badge.
Insert standard disclaimer here, no money made and so on.
Thanks to Kim for beta'ing this, (even though you tried to talk me out of some of it.) and to EagleEye for finding way too many misused and misplaced words. *g* Any remaining errors are mine.
Trishbsc
The Loft, late evening
Blair was pacing back and forth in front of the balcony window. "I can't do it, Jim. I can't be a cop. It just isn't me."
"I thought you'd like working with me, officially."
Blair paused at the hurt he heard in Jim's voice. "I do. I want to be your partner, but I don't want to carry a gun. It isn't who I am. Why do things have to change? I've been an observer for years."
Jim shook his head. "It has to change. There's no reason for you to be an observer anymore and everyone knows it. It's become a cop or nothing. It was the best deal we could make and Simon and I both had to pay a price to get that much from the brass," he blurted out.
"What price, Jim?" Blair asked, running one hand through his hair.
Jim felt his throat closing up, choking on the words he didn't want to say. "To get the Chief to agree to hire you, we had to tell him the truth about my abilities. Simon was reprimanded for covering for us and they've ordered IA to go over every case I've worked on since the Switchman. I've been suspended without pay for the next two weeks. If they find anything out of line in those cases, it'll be longer."
Blair dropped heavily onto the far end of the sofa. "I'm sorry about this, Jim. You'd think they'd be happy to have someone with your abilities working for them. You've put away some serious felons in the last few years."
"And they could all be walking the streets of Cascade tomorrow. Besides, that was yesterday. What have I done for them today, other than cause trouble," Jim answered sarcastically. "Seriously, they're nothing but a bunch of politicians and bureaucrats, I didn't expect anything different."
"I want to be your partner, Jim, but I also want my Ph.D. I worked hard for it. It's all I've dreamed about for years."
Jim was lost. He had been so sure that Blair would be happy with the PD's offer. "I don't know what to say, Sandburg. I'm a little out of my league here. If you're not going to be a cop, we need to tell Simon. Classes are supposed to start next week."
"I need to think. Don't say anything to Simon about this." Blair got to his feet and moved away from Jim, heading to his bedroom. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Good night, Jim."
A few minutes after the door closed, Jim smelled the sweet scent of Blair's meditation candles. Sandburg was going to be meditating for a while. He tried to come up with another option, but he quickly came to the conclusion that he didn't know enough about the legalities of what the University and the publisher had done. Suddenly, he thought of the one person with enough connections to help. He picked up the phone and dialed what was once again becoming a familiar number.
"Hello, Dad? It's Jim. I know it's late, but I need a lawyer. A good one, I'm going after that publisher and the University for their actions in this mess."
Jim nodded and wrote down the name and phone number that his father rattled off.
"Thanks, Dad. Why? Because, this is something I have to do. I can deal with the fallout. I have options, he doesn't."
Jim smiled at his father's request to be kept informed. "I will. Good-night." He headed upstairs to his bed with a much lighter heart.
Blair left the loft without a word before Jim even woke up. He found fresh bagels on the counter and the coffee was in the warmer.
After a quick breakfast, Jim spent most of the morning on the phone with the lawyer his father had recommended. The law firm, Sullivan and Thornberg, was already familiar with the case, recognizing Jim's name in the press releases Sid had made. They had contacted Rainier University and an hour later the negotiation had begun.
A series of phone calls with offers and counter-offers later, both sides had agreed on terms. Now, all he had to do was get Sandburg to the University to finalize the contract. In order to do that, he had to find Blair.
He looked at the window and saw Blair's car sitting in the parking lot, so he couldn't have gone far. Jim waited for the elevator. He didn't want to waste energy walking down the stairs with his injured leg.
Jim started across the park. He had a pretty good idea of where Blair was. Whenever his friend needed to think, he'd head down by the water. He limped over to where his Guide was sitting on the ground, staring at the water.
"Morning, Chief. I've been looking for you. We've got an appointment in a couple of hours, so you should get cleaned up."
Blair looked up, raising one eyebrow. "Why? What have you done?" he asked, suspiciously.
Jim smiled, holding out his hand to help Blair up. "It's a surprise. You'll like this one, I promise."
Waving off the offer of assistance, Blair climbed to his feet. As he brushed off the dirt, he said, "I've had one too many surprises in the last week. I don't think I can handle another, so tell."
With a wicked gleam in his eyes, and an impish grin, Jim shook his head. "I'm not telling. Go, get changed, put on something... scholarly."
"Scholarly?" Blair prodded, rocking on his heels.
"Yeah, and wear those glasses. They add fifty points to your IQ."
"Funny. You're in a good mood this morning. What's going on?"
"I've moved up to the big leagues and that's all I'm saying. Let's go."
Jim struck off in the direction of the loft. Blair was stunned for a moment, then ran to catch up.
Rainier University, 2:00 PM
Jim parked the truck outside Hargrove Hall. He opened his door, but Blair didn't move.
"The University? You brought me to Rainier? Have you gone crazy!"
"Nope, our lawyer has been negotiating with Chancellor Edwards all morning. They've finally got a deal hammered out, but you have to agree."
Dumbfounded by the words, Blair sat there for a moment. Jim wished he had a camera to capture the moment. Blair finally stammered out, "I hate to burst your bubble here, but we don't have a lawyer."
"Yes, we do," Jim said with a laugh.
"When did we get a lawyer?" Blair choked out.
"Last night. My dad recommended him highly."
"You told them. You told them you were a Sentinel. How could you! This is exactly why I gave that press conference, to protect you!" Blair yelled angrily.
This wasn't working out the way Jim had planned. Seems he couldn't do anything right. "I couldn't let them think you were a fraud. You deserve better and I can protect myself. The PD already knows and won't be able to keep it a secret."
Blair didn't know what to say. He just sat there in the truck.
"Blair, in order to find out about the deal, you do have to get out of the truck," Jim said, a little exasperated.
Jim closed his door and moved around to the front of the truck. Blair was right on his heels. Their footsteps echoed loudly in the empty hallways. Classes weren't in session and even the professors were taking advantage of the break between class schedules.
He soon found himself standing in Chancellor Edward's office. Jim sat down, but Blair paced nervously. The last time he had been in this office hadn't been a pleasant experience.
Ignoring Sandburg for the moment, Jim focused his attention on the discussion occurring behind the closed doors. Chancellor Edwards was being difficult. It was a few minutes before the secretary waved them inside.
A man in a three-piece suit was the first to greet them. Chancellor Edwards didn't say a single word. She just glared. "Detective Ellison, Mr. Sandburg, I'm very pleased to meet you. I'm Anthony Sullivan."
They shook his hand and sat down in the chairs positioned in front of the Chancellor's desk. Mr. Sullivan handed the contract they had prepared to Blair. "Mr. Sandburg, I believe I've gotten you a good deal here. We just need you to sign off on the contract."
"I don't understand," Blair said as he started reading the document.
"The University didn't have proper grounds to fire you. In order to prevent a very public civil court suit, with costly damages, they have agreed to award your Ph.D to you," Anthony explained.
"With certain conditions," Chancellor Edwards added.
"Of course, Detective Ellison has admitted that the dissertation is true and will appear before the committee to authenticate the findings with the promise of complete anonymity. Mr. Sandburg will receive an associate professor's position guaranteed for the next three years and the University will arrange for all of his student loans to be paid off in return for agreeing not to pursue a civil suit," the lawyer summarized.
"You'll notice, Mr. Sandburg, that there are attendance clauses spelled out in that contract with appropriate penalties for your failure to comply. Also, you will be expected to undertake certain projects with firm deadlines for publishing papers," Edwards explained.
"Jim, can I talk to you outside for a moment?" Blair asked.
"No, Blair, this is your decision. I know what's in that contract. I agreed to their terms and the clauses Ms. Edwards wanted added. If you want to do this, sign it. I'm okay with this."
Blair laughed. Did he want this? Hell, yes. He signed his name and handed the contract to the lawyer. He had his Ph.D and a firm job. His life was finally back on track.
"Summer classes start next week. You will have two classes to teach. I suggest you meet with your department chair about the projects he will need you to cover. He's waiting down the hall," Edwards ordered.
"Call me when you're ready to leave, Sandburg. I have some business of my own to settle up with the lawyer," Jim added as they were leaving the room.
Several weeks later
Blair sat down in his new office and sighed. Being a full professor was a lot more work than being a teaching fellow. For the last few weeks, he hadn't been able to make it into the station at all. He was tied up with projects and students, not to mention meeting after boring meeting.
Not all the professors had welcomed him into their ranks. They had questioned the manner in which the Ph.D. had been awarded. Some considered what Jim had done to be one step short of extortion. After all, the dissertation was only a first draft and had been quickly locked away after the committee had reviewed it in accordance with the legal agreement.
Also, the first two grant requests he had submitted had also been turned down. That press conference had been a very public affair, damaging his reputation. Thankfully, with a little help from Eli Stoddard, damage control was being done and he had finally been awarded a grant studying autistic children who demonstrated several heightened senses.
Blair opened up the first blue book in the stack and sighed again. He hated grading, but until he found a TA, he was stuck with the job. His attention wandered as he looked at test, without really seeing the student's answer to the first essay question. He wondered what Jim was working on. He had seen Jim only in passing the last few days. At least, he was no longer suspended. But IA was slow getting through the files, so he wasn't off the hook yet. Jim was back on full duty doing fieldwork, but refused to work with a partner.
Simon had tried to talk him into working with someone, but hadn't made any progress. Blair had instructed both Megan and Joel on the basics of helping a Sentinel. They were keeping a discrete eye on him, but hadn't noticed him having problems with his senses.
Two Months later
Jim turned off the heat under the spaghetti sauce. Blair was late again. They hadn't seen much of each other over the past few months. Blair was overloaded with school and hadn't made it to the station at all. Blair was also spending most of the evening with his TA and his colleagues.
At first, Jim, knowing that Blair had bridges to mend with his peers, hadn't said anything about the lack of time they spent together. In fact, he had encouraged Blair to socialize with his colleagues. Now, while Jim was happy that Blair was settling nicely into his new career, he missed his friend.
Blair didn't talk to him anymore. He didn't talk about what was occurring at the University nor did he ask about Jim was working on. In fact, Blair hadn't shown up for the last two Major Crime poker nights. Brown had made a joke about whether Professor Sandburg was too good to associate with lowly cops. The joke had fallen flat because everyone was afraid there was too much truth in the joke.
At that moment, Blair burst in the front door, waving a piece of paper in the air. "I've found a nice apartment. It's over by the University. No driving required getting to work. Isn't that great, Jim?"
"You're moving out? Just like that?" Jim was shocked. He had no idea Blair had been looking for a place of his own.
Blair grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and took a swig before answering, "I wanted to surprise you. Hey, I figured it was about time."
Jim could only stand there, speechless.
"Not to mention that I need space of my own, Jim. I'm a professor now, both teaching and doing research. I need a place to work."
"I see," Jim mumbled.
Blair was too excited to notice Jim's lack of reaction. "Come on, Jim. You didn't really think I was going to live forever in that little space under the stairs, did you?"
"Never really thought about it, Chief," Jim lied.
"This new place is great. It's a little smaller than here, but I love it. I can move in this weekend. Can we use the truck?"
This was happening too fast. "Sorry, but this weekend is bad for me. I've got to work," Jim answered. There was no way he was going to help Blair leave him.
"Okay, Jim. I'll see if some of my students can help me."
"Dinner's almost ready."
"I'm not hungry. I grabbed something on the way home. I'm going down to the corner store to see if they have any boxes. Do we need anything?"
"Nope, don't need anything," Jim replied, still standing in the middle of the kitchen.
Jim waited until Blair left the building before throwing out the spaghetti sauce and heading upstairs. It was officially over. Sandburg had a new job, new apartment, and new friends. His dissertation published, he didn't need Jim for anything anymore and had moved on.
The next day
"You wanted to see me, sir?" Jim asked as he stood in the doorway to Simon's office.
"Sit down, Jim. We have to talk," Simon said. He didn't want to have this conversation. Jim didn't deserve this, but it had to be done.
Jim saw the frustration in his captain's expression. They had worked together for a long time. "Is there a problem?"
"You remember your quarterly review was done last week? Well, the brass has noticed that your performance has been slipping over the last few months."
"I still have one of the highest closure rates in the department," Jim replied defensively.
"But it's much lower than last quarter. They aren't happy with you. This is just an excuse to make your life difficult." Simon handed Jim the folder containing his review. Simon's original assessment was covered with red pen additions.
"I'm a good detective." Jim dropped the folder onto the desk. He moved over to the window and stared at the city.
"With your senses, you're better than good. Why aren't you using them? Is it because Sandburg isn't around?" Simon pushed.
"No, they're a liability right now. You think I don't know that IA is going over everyone of my cases with a fine toothed comb before turning them over to the DA's office? Looking for any signs that the case could be thrown out because I used my senses rather than my skills. Do you think I want some perp walking away because the charges had to be dismissed? I can hear it the defense attorney now, 'Well, Detective just have far away were you when you saw the suspect? Were you using those Sentinel abilities of yours at the time?' I'd rather not use them than risk that."
"I understand, Jim. It's not fair. I wish there was something I could do, but I used up every favor I had getting Sandburg that badge." Simon waited for Jim to get angry. Everyone in the bullpen had noticed Jim retreating from them over the last few weeks. He wasn't rude or cold, he just wasn't acting quite right.
"I'm sorry about that, Simon. I really thought we were doing the right thing."
"Not your fault, I agreed with you. Sandburg would've made a good cop." Simon returned the file to his drawer.
"Are we through here, Captain? I need to get back to work."
Captain Banks nodded, sadly. "We're done." Simon watched as Jim returned to his desk and started typing on the computer. Jim Ellison was a ticking time bomb. He picked up the phone and dialed Blair's office. He left a message requesting that Blair call him back immediately. Sandburg was the only one capable of defusing this bomb.
Jim unlocked the door to the loft. After hearing about his quarterly review, all he wanted was a cold beer and some pizza. Blair was coming over to watch the Jags game and bringing dinner with him. The answering machine was flashing. He dropped his keys in the basket and pressed the play button.
"Sorry, Jim, but I can't make it to dinner tonight. There's a fundraiser tonight for the Anthropology department and I've got to make an appearance. I'll call you tomorrow and reschedule."
"Surprise, surprise, Sandburg," Jim muttered as he grabbed a cold beer from the refrigerator. He chugged that one down and pulled out another one. Food didn't appeal to him anymore. Neither did watching the Jags game. Actually, what he wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget the world existed.
He finished the beer and set the empty one on the night table. Leaving his clothes on the floor, he stripped down to his boxers and crawled under the covers. The loft seemed icy cold to him.
Sleep came quickly, along with the dreams.
Once again he found himself in the jungles of Peru, dressed as the soldier who had been abandoned by the military. Left among the natives to defend a pass no one really cared about. The roar of his spirit guide drew his attention to the west and the flick of tail started him running.
He pursued his spirit guide until he found himself standing on the edge of the cliff. Looking down at the raging river below him. His spirit guide was standing next to the Chopec Shaman who had befriended him when he had crashed into the jungle, a lifetime ago.
"You must choose, Enqueri," Incacha ordered.
Jim turned to face his mentor. His decision made, he only wanted peace. "There is no longer a place for a Sentinel in the Great City. The time of Sentinels has passed. Here my abilities are feared or disrespected. It is not my place any longer."
Incacha studied the man standing confidently before him. He looked past the physical body to the tortured soul beneath. "I understand. So be it."
Jim turned away from the cliff. Decision made and accepted; he headed back into the jungle. The panther remained at the feet of the Chopec Shaman, dropping with a painful whimper to the ground. Incacha knelt beside the great cat. Gently petting the soft fur, he comforted the panther. "There will come a time when you are needed, rest now."
Waking with a jerk, Jim sat up on his bed. He opened his eyes, but wasn't able to see anything in the dark room. He tried his hearing. He could hear nothing but blessed silence. They were gone, his sense were gone. With a sigh of relief, he drifted back into a dreamless sleep.
Major Crime Bullpen 1:00 PM
Megan entered the bullpen after lunch, surprised to see Jim working hard at his desk. He had called in early in the morning requesting an emergency vacation day. What was he doing here now?
Jim gathered the stacks of files he had collected and dropped them on Megan's desk.
"What do you think you're doing!" she exclaimed, stacking the files so she could hand them back.
"Sorry, I was hoping to be out of here before anyone got back. I'm leaving. Good-bye, Megan, it's been... interesting... very interesting working with you," Jim said with a sad smile.
"Jim, you can't," Megan started to say, but Jim cut her off.
"I'm tired, Connor. I'm tired of this job, and the politics, and the double standards. It's not my place anymore. It's not my city. I don't belong here."
Jim smiled one last time at her and headed into Simon's office. He'd leave the guns with the Desk Sergeant downstairs, but he owed Simon an explanation. On the desk, he left a copy of his resignation, effective immediately and an envelope labeled 'Simon'.
When he turned to leave, he found his way blocked by Taggert, Brown and Rafe. "I can't work here. The brass has made it impossible for me to stay, guys. Just let it go," Jim pleaded.
Joel nodded and offered his hand. "We understand. We figured this was coming. Good luck, Jim. I hope you find what you're looking for."
"Ditto," Brown added, moving out of Jim's way.
Rafe slapped Jim on the back. "Goes for me, too. Just remember that we're here if you need us. Okay?"
"Thanks guys," Jim replied after a moment. Returning the handshakes, he took one final look around the room, before leaving the bullpen for good.
Blair slammed down the phone. Why did Jim have his phone disconnected? It didn't make any sense. He grabbed his jacket and headed for his car. Simon would know what was going on.
The drive to the PD seemed to take forever. As he was driving, Blair ran over all the possible reasons why Jim would have disconnected his phone. His first thought was that there was a problem with Jim's senses. He recalled a phone message from Simon a few days ago, one he had forgotten to return. Growing more agitated with each passing moment, he finally pulled into the PD's parking garage.
A few minutes later, he entered the bullpen. He noticed Rafe and Brown were both sitting at their desks. He was shocked when both detectives ignored his greeting. Something was very wrong here. He burst into Simon's office without stopping to knock.
"Where's Jim," he demanded to know.
Simon stared at him over his glasses. "He's gone, Sandburg. He resigned two days ago."
Blair felt his knees buckle as he reached for a chair. "I don't believe it. Why would he do that? The man was born to be a cop."
"After everything that happened over the last three months, he felt he couldn't be a cop here."
"What's been happening? You were supposed to tell me if he was having problems with his senses."
"It wasn't his senses that were the problem and if you had bothered to return my phone call a few days ago, you would have known," Simon retorted angrily.
"I meant to, but things have been really crazy at the University. We just made a big discovery down in South America and I was in charge of organizing an expedition."
"Sandburg!" Simon yelled, rolling his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I've been a little distracted lately. I was just trying to get my career going."
"And while yours was getting going, Jim's was dying."
"That can't be true. Jim's a great cop. He wouldn't have just up and quit. A Sentinel is genetically programmed to protect the tribe. I wrote three chapters on the subject. I know what I'm talking about."
Simon swallowed down his anger. "Sandburg, you may be the expert on Sentinels, but you've forgotten about the man Jim Ellison was, is, and always shall be."
Blair disagreed, "I know Jim better than anyone else."
"Then think for a moment, Sandburg. When was the last time you spent any time with Jim? When was the last time you saw him?"
"That's not fair. We talked about the fact that I'd be really tied up at the University for a while. He said he understood it would only be temporary."
"Temporary as in, 'I'll only be here for a week, Jim,' temporary. How long did you think he would wait for you to remember him? To spare him a few moments of your time," Simon demanded.
"I didn't forget him. He's my best friend."
"He was until you got your Ph.D. Then what was he to you? Look at this from his perspective. How much time did you spend with him after that? Jim Ellison is a typical alpha male. He wouldn't have accepted being your fair weather friend, Sandburg. You know, the kind of friend you see when there's nothing better to do."
"Where did he go, Simon? I want to talk to him. I need to explain."
"I don't know. I tried to find him, but he's an expert at going undercover. The loft was sold to a realtor. His bank accounts have been cleaned out. Everything that was in the loft was sold. He doesn't want to be found. I think we should respect that."
"You don't mean that. You're his friend too."
"He made his own decision."
"No, Simon, I can't accept this." Blair shook his head. How had he missed this?
"It's not your decision, Sandburg."
"I can't believe you're giving up on him."
"Sandburg, you weren't around. You didn't see him retreating from the world a little farther every day. I half expected him to return to his arrogant, cold bastard routine from the old days. I could have dealt with that. This was worse. This time around, no emotion got through those walls of his, nothing. It was like working with a robot. Now, if you'll excuse me." Simon gestured him out the door.
"Sorry, Blair. I can't help you."
"Come on, Jack. With all the connections you have, you expect me to believe you don't know where he went."
Jack Kelso moved his wheelchair away from his computer. "Not this time, the NSA is looking for him as well. They can't find him either."
"Why is the NSA looking for him?"
"After Brackett, you have to ask. The NSA has access to anything that is stored in a computer. The moment your dissertation was scanned away on the college files, they had it."
"That's illegal. It's a protected file."
"That's the government. They call it National Security."
"Then it's even more important that I find him first."
"Let it go, Blair. If you try to find Ellison now, you'll only be putting him at risk. I'm sorry, Blair. But as soon as Ellison admitted what he was, he was in danger."
"Thanks for trying, Jack. I'll talk to you later."
Blair returned to his own office, picking up his mail from the box on the way. He noticed Jim's handwriting on one of the envelopes. He sat down at his desk and opened the brief note.
"By now you've discovered that I've left Cascade. Incacha once told me that 'A Sentinel will always be a Sentinel if he chooses to be'. Well, I can no longer be the Sentinel of the Great City. There's no place in modern society for someone like me. You've found the place where you belong. You were born to be a teacher. Your students are very lucky to have you. Now, I need to find out where I belong. Please, respect my wishes and don't try to find me. This is what I want to do."
It was signed Jim Ellison. Blair folded the note and put it in his desk. He looked at his watch. He had a class in ten minutes. He couldn't afford to be late.
Jim stopped the jeep at the edge of the jungle. He would have to travel on foot the rest of the journey. The jungle closed in around him immediately as he set off in the direction of Chopec territory. After only a few hours of travel, he found himself surrounded by the guard perimeter. He greeted the warriors, several familiar faces were in the group.
"Welcome home, Enqueri. The Shaman told us you would be coming soon. We are ready."
"Ready? Ready for what?"
"Soldiers will come. We will moved deeper into the jungle to hide from them."
Jim looked around at the faces of the warriors. None seemed concerned or upset with him for bringing this danger to the tribe. "They're coming because of me."
"So the Shaman warns. They come to take our Sentinel. We will not let them," the warrior promised.
Jim shook his head. "I'm not a Sentinel, not anymore."
The warrior grinned, "Come, we must hurry."
The group traveled quickly and soon reached the Chopec village. The entire village was ready to go. They had gathered in the center clearing. It seemed they were waiting for something. As Jim moved into the clearing, the Shaman moved forward to greet him. Standing slightly behind him was a woman. She appeared to be in her thirties with dark hair and green eyes. She moved forward with the Shaman.
"Greetings, Enqueri. We've been awaiting your return."
Jim heard the joyous cry of his spirit guide. He saw the panther leap from behind the woman and felt it merge with him again. With the return of his spirit guide, his senses also returned. The input was too much for him, a wave of pain washed over him as he fell to his knees.
The pain receded as a slim and gentle hand caressed his arm. He looked into the green eyes and regained control over his senses.
"I am Anachya. I will help you."
"I remember you," Jim answered softly.
"She is Incacha's daughter and is now my chosen inheritor," the Shaman explained before turning to face the villagers. He called out to his people. "With our Sentinel returned to us, we must go. We will be safe in the jungle under his protection."
Proudly, Jim stood. He led his chosen people into the safety of the jungle. This was his home, now. These were people who needed and deserved his protection, his gifts. Here, his abilities were respected and valued. Here, he was not a scientific curiosity, nor a headache for a complicated legal system. In the jungle, justice was quick and unforgiving.
He never should have left the jungle when the army came to investigate the crash. For the first time in his life, he had found the place where he truly belonged and he wasn't going to leave it. Not ever again.
The End
So, did you like it?
This story came about as the result of a thread on one of the lists I'm on. I was soundly thumped for my mistake of defending Jim's actions in TSbyBS. The majority believed that Jim is a bastard for not restoring Blair's reputation. This is my response based on reviewing what people said in those posts that they wanted to see Jim do.
PS: I promise never to write like this again. I had to get this out of my system. I'm trying to convince my real muses to come out of hiding, but they are pretty upset right now. *G*