Warnings: PG-13
Disclaimer: They are not mine. They belong to Pet Fly, UPN and Sci-Fi Channel, but I'm seriously considering suing for custody on the grounds of neglect. No money made. So don't waste your time suing me.
Spoilers: for S2P2
Thanks Kim for going over this story for me. Any remaining errors are mine.
Trishbsc
Blair stood in the kitchen, dishing up two bowls of soup. It had been one week since they had gotten back from Sierra Verde. So much had happened. For the last seven days, everyone had been driving Blair up the wall. He was constantly being asked how he felt, both at the station and at school.
It was a good thing that classes were over and only the professors and administration remained on campus or it would have been much worse. The detectives at the bullpen were the worst offenders. Of course, most of them had seen him be pulled from the fountain.
He was constantly being stared at, as if they were waiting for him to keel over at Jim's desk. Everyone had been so busy watching him, no one had noticed the rapid deterioration of his partner's health. Not until the moment Jim nose-dived onto the floor on his way out of Simon's office. The frightening image of Jim heading for the floor was permanently etched in Blair's memory...
Earlier in the day
Blair walked into the bullpen, dropping his backpack on the floor by Jim's desk. His eyes scanned the room looking for his partner. Joel was sitting at his desk, everyone else was gone, but Blair could hear several voices emanating from Simon's office.
"Morning, Joel. Do you know where Jim is?"
"He's in Simon's office with Brown and Rafe. New case came in. How are you feeling today?"
Blair rolled his eyes at the question. "Joel, I'm fine. I've been fine all week. I wish people would quit asking me that question," Blair answered, exasperated.
"Sorry, Blair. I guess you have been hearing that question a lot this week."
"It's not you, man. I've been feeling a little smothered is all. It was nice at first, realizing how much you all cared about me, but now it's getting a little old. I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere."
"Jim's hovering?" Joel asked with a smile.
"Actually not, at least not obviously. The first two days after we got back from Mexico, I was tied up at the University with all the year-end meetings. Jim had moved all my stuff back into the loft, by himself. He put everything back exactly, and I do mean exactly, where it was. It must've taken him hours. Now that I think about it, he's also been doing all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry this week."
"I noticed that he's been looking a little tired lately," Joel said, thoughtfully.
"I've been so busy at the University this week, I haven't been paying close attention, but I noticed that he's been too quiet. No mentioning of house rules, no complaining about my loud music, nothing."
"That doesn't sound like Jim," Joel commented.
"I'm getting kind of worried about him. Alex drugged him, when we were in Mexico. I think it's still affecting him, even if they couldn't find anything in the blood test the hospital ran. I'm not even sure he's been sleeping. I swear, last night, I woke up and saw him standing in my doorway. He was just standing there, watching me sleep."
Their conversation was interrupted when Simon's door opened. Rafe and Brown exited first. Jim appeared in the doorway shortly after. He appeared to be very unsteady, leaning heavily on the doorframe. His face was sweaty and pale. His eyes were glazed, unfocused, as if he were about to zone. Blair was so alarmed by his partner's unhealthy appearance, he started moving towards Jim.
He got close enough to see his partner's eyes roll up and Jim fall forward. Blair managed to get under Jim's upper body before it hit the floor, saving his partner's head from a hard knock. However, Blair found himself pinned to the floor, unable to move out from under Jim's unconscious body.
"Simon, Henri! Help him," Blair called upon the two men strong enough to deal with Jim's size. Simon and Henri carefully lifted Jim enough, with a hand from Joel, so that Blair could slide out. Once Blair was free, they rolled Jim gently on his back. Blair took off his jacket and placed it under Jim's head. Blair knelt beside his friend, resting one hand on Jim's forehead then moved it down to the flushed cheeks.
"Man, he's burning up," Blair said to the concerned officers who had gathered to help. "Jim? Can you hear me?" Blair asked softly.
Jim stirred slightly at the sound of his Guide's voice.
"Hey buddy, the floor's a bit uncomfortable, why don't you wake up now? Let me take you home," Blair suggested as he rubbed Jim's arms.
Blair smiled as his partner turned his head slightly then opened his eyes. "Welcome back, Jim."
"Blair? What happened? Why are we on the floor?" Jim asked puzzled his voice hoarse.
"You blacked out, buddy."
"I'm just very tired. I haven't been sleeping very well."
"You're sick. You're running a fever," Blair corrected. "Think you can stand? We need to take you to the emergency room."
"Just home, Chief. I have a little cold and I'm very tired, but I'm okay."
"You passed out. You should see a doctor."
"Just take me home, please. After a few hours sleep, I'll feel much better," Jim replied, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead.
"It's more than a cold, Jim. You're running a fever."
"Blair, the ER will be packed. It will be noisy and bright and I can't handle that right now. Just take me home," Jim pleaded softly, so that only Blair could hear.
Blair thought it over, weighing which would be worse, the illness or the bombardment of stimuli, which Jim would have to endure at the waiting room at the ER. "Get on your feet and down to the truck, then we'll talk. Okay?"
"Simon?" Jim asked, recognizing the need for his superior's approval for him leaving.
"Go home, Jim. Sandburg, you take good care of him. If you need anything, call me."
Henri gave Jim a hand up, while Joel assisted Blair. With his partner close behind, Jim walked over to his desk and grabbed his coat. He reached into his pocket for the truck keys. Without a word, he handed them to Blair and headed for the elevator.
"Wow," Joel exclaimed, "He must really be sick if he's letting Blair drive his truck."
Blair shot Joel a dirty look.
"You know what I mean, Blair. I wasn't insulting your driving skills. Honest!"
Blair nodded, then smiled before heading down the hall after his partner.
Jim had slept quietly in the passenger seat during the entire drive home. Blair woke him up when they reached the loft. Jim, with a little assistance, managed to make it to the apartment and get upstairs, where he sat down on the bed, but that was when his energy ran out.
Blair had to help him get undressed. Once Jim was down to his boxers, Blair pulled back the bedding and tucked Jim into bed. "Sleep, buddy, leave everything to me." Jim was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Blair watched for a moment, to be sure Jim was okay, before heading for the kitchen. Jim needed to get some healthy food into his system. He had lost a lot of weight over the last couple of weeks, ever since Alex Barnes arrived in Cascade. As Blair stirred the pot of chicken soup he was preparing, he started thinking about the past week.
How had Jim gotten to be in such bad shape without anyone noticing? Oh, well, that didn't really matter. Now was the time to start putting things right.
There was a quiet knock at the door. Blair turned the heat down under the pot of soup before heading for the door. Blair checked through the peephole before opening the door. "Naomi, what are you doing here?"
"Is that any way to greet your mother?"
Blair took the bag from her hands and hugged her. "Hi Mom, it's nice to see you."
"Much better, sweetie. Now, aren't you going to invite me inside?"
"Yes, Mom, come on in, but we have to be quiet, Jim's upstairs sleeping. He's pretty sick and needs the rest."
Blair noticed a strange expression crossing his mother's face, but it was gone before he could identify it. Naomi walked over and sat down on the sofa. She patted the cushion next to her. "Blair, come sit down. We need to talk."
Blair hesitated. He wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he was sure he wasn't going to like it. He put his mother's bag by the door before sitting down next to his Mom.
"How are you feeling, Blair?"
"I'm fine, Mom."
"I admit, you are looking pretty good for someone who DIED, a little over a week ago. Were you ever going to tell me, Blair?
"Mom, I didn't want you to worry. I'm all right. I was only in the hospital overnight. I left the next day for Mexico. You couldn't have gotten here in time."
"I know all that, Blair. I also know that you left the hospital AMA to chase after Jim. I was on my way to Cascade when I saw what happened on the news. I got to the hospital an hour after you left. The nurses were still talking about it, the 'Miracle' at the fountain. That's what they were calling it. You were declared dead and came back to life. What were you thinking leaving the hospital like that?"
"Jim was going after Alex, I had to be there. He wasn't thinking clearly. He needed me with him," Blair responded, but he could tell that his mother wasn't listening.
"What happened to the little boy I raised? You were such a free spirit, now you are chained here, tied to that... that... that cop, that pig."
"Naomi, don't call him that. He's my friend, Mom. He's the best friend I have ever had."
"You don't mean that, Blair. You have had better friends then Jim. You always made friends so easily, but you were still always so very independent. Not like now, you've lost who you are. You're living in Jim's shadow."
"You are so wrong, Naomi. I never let anyone get close to me growing up because I knew that sooner or later I would have to leave. I never let anyone get as close to me as I have Jim. He's like a big brother to me. I have a home here with him, by MY choice." Blair realized that he was starting to yell. He took a deep breath and continued, "Mom, I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything, but part of me needs the security of a home. I also need to be needed. You never needed me, Mom. You loved me, but you never needed me."
"You're just confused, Blair. You've lost yourself in all the excitement of hanging around with cops, but this isn't you. I want you to come with me, Blair. There's this wonderful retreat about to start the day after tomorrow in California. I've arranged for both of us to attend. Doesn't that sound wonderful? We can leave tomorrow."
"Mom, I'm not leaving here."
"Blair, don't be silly. Jim will be fine. He can take care of himself. He did it long before you started living here. I'm sure he won't mind you leaving."
"Naomi, I'm not going with you. I'm happy here with Jim, with my work at school and yes, working with Major Crimes."
"Sweetie, this life isn't good for you. I'll help you pack your bags. Why don't you talk to Jim? Let him know you're leaving. Trust me, I know what's best for you."
"You're not hearing me, Naomi. Listen carefully, I'm NOT going with you. Do you understand?"
"Blair, you've never disobeyed me before. Jim's a terrible influence on you. Whatever happened to my sweet little boy?"
"He grew up. He grew up and started making his own decisions. Something you need to learn to respect."
Both Naomi and Blair were startled by the sound of yells coming from Jim's bedroom.
"NO! Don't go! Please! Not alone, I can't! Not again!"
Blair jumped up from the sofa, pulling his arm away from Naomi when she tried to stop him.
"He's not your responsibility, sweetie."
"Yes, Mom, he is and I'm his. That's what it means to be family. Don't ask me to choose between you, Naomi." Blair pulled away from Naomi and headed upstairs.
He didn't hear Naomi mutter, "Looks like the choice has already been made."
He didn't see her pick up her bag and slip out of the loft.
Once he reached the top of the stairs, he could see Jim struggling with his blankets. His legs were tangled, restraining him. His arms were extended, reaching for something or someone. The sound of moans and whimpers could be heard coming from Jim's throat.
"Jim, take it easy. I'm right here." Blair grabbed hold of Jim's flailing arms. "Jim? Jim, are you with me?"
Jim had quieted as soon as his Guide started to speak, but he didn't answer and he continued to struggle against the blankets binding him. Blair quickly realized that his friend was still trapped by the nightmare.
Okay, first thing, get his legs free.
Blair continued to speak softly to his distraught Sentinel using his 'Guide Voice', as he unwrapped the blankets freeing Jim's lower body. The blankets were soaking wet with sweat, so Blair dropped them to the floor. He started to head downstairs for the blankets and comforter from his room, but as soon as he moved a few paces away, Jim started to become agitated again.
Okay, don't leave the room, Blair.
"Got it loud and clear, buddy. I'm not going anywhere," Blair assured his Sentinel.
Jim found himself standing in front of the Temple of the Sentinels. Off to his left, from the thick undergrowth, he heard the sound of growling. A moment later, a spotted jaguar sprang out from the bushes. Jim tensed, looking around for a weapon, but nothing was available. He watched as the jaguar padded across the clearing until it was sitting directly in front of him.
He watched as it morphed into Alex Barnes. "Welcome to Hell, Jim."
"What are you talking about? I'm not dead."
"You failed as a Sentinel, James Ellison. You broke the most important rule. You allowed your Guide to be harmed. So now you forfeit your right to your Guide," Alex explained as she slunk slowly around Jim, like a cat stalking its prey. "Right now, arrangements are being made to separate you from your Guide forever. Listen," Alex ordered.
The temple and the surrounding jungle faded away into the darkness. Jim could hear Naomi Sandburg speaking, "I want you to come with me, Blair. There is this wonderful retreat about to start the day after tomorrow in California. I've arranged for both of us to attend. Doesn't that sound wonderful? We can leave tomorrow."
Off in the distance he could see Naomi talking to Blair, then he heard Naomi continue, "Jim's a terrible influence on you. Whatever happened to my sweet little boy?"
Jim started running towards Blair, but no matter how fast he ran, he couldn't catch up to them. He saw Blair following after his mother. He started yelling, trying to get Blair's attention, "NO! Don't go! Please! Not alone, I can't! Not again!"
Alex grabbed him by the arms and knocked him to the ground. The only thing that was visible to Jim, now, was Alex. Jim moaned at the idea of losing his Guide again. Alex smiled and gleefully said, "Too little, too late, Jimmy. You've lost him."
"No. You're lying. This isn't happening!"
Since going downstairs wasn't an option right now, Blair continued to speak out loud as he checked Jim's closet for extra bedding. "Jim, I know you. You're anal. I bet you keep... aha... got it." He found a spare blanket along with a spare set of sheets tucked neatly away in one corner.
"Let's get you warm, buddy. I swear that fever of yours is getting higher," Blair added as he changed the bedding. He and Jim both had a lot of experience on changing bedding while someone was still in the bed, both doing the changing and being the one in the bed.
He opened up the blanket and carefully covered his partner. Blair brushed his hand across Jim's forehead. "Yep, definitely higher. Probably too high."
Blair looked over the railing for his Mom. She wasn't in view. Then he noticed that her bag was missing. "That's my Mom, detach with love, even from her own son. Looks like we're on our own, Jim. That's okay, we can do this."
Blair dropped the soggy blankets and bedding over the railing. He'd deal with those later. "Okay, Jim, listen up. I want you to focus your hearing on me. I need to go downstairs to collect a few things. I'm NOT leaving you. I promise. I'll keep talking the entire time, so you can hear me, know exactly where I am. I'll be right back."
Blair took a couple of steps towards the stairs, watching Jim for any sign of an adverse reaction. When nothing happened, Blair ran downstairs giving a running commentary all the way.
"Great, Jim. First stop, my room for some extra bedding. Before today is over, I think we're going to need it. Next stop, the bathroom. Where have you hidden the liquid soap? Got it. Now, where did you put that bottle of rubbing alcohol? We need to get that fever of yours down. Oops, can't forget the towels and a washcloth. Okay, this is enough for the first load."
Blair hurried back upstairs, dropping the large bundle onto the floor before turning to check on his partner. He could see that, even in sleep, Jim was very tense, but as he watched, the muscles slowly relaxed.
"One more time, buddy. I need to make one more trip, but then I can stay for a while. Still have your hearing focused, right? I'm just going to the kitchen. I'll be right back."
Blair hurried down the stairs and headed straight for the refrigerator. He grabbed a pitcher of juice, then turned towards the sink. He grabbed a large bowl from the cupboard and filled it with hot water. He then headed back to the bedroom.
"I'm back. Now, let's get that fever down a little." Blair grabbed two of the large bath towels. The first one he slipped underneath Jim's upper body. The second one he placed under Jim's legs. He then soaked one of the hand towels with the alcohol and started wiping Jim's chest and arms.
"How you doing, man? Back with me yet?" Blair paused, waiting for a response. "Guess not."
Blair worked his way down to Jim's legs. Suddenly, he heard Jim starting to mutter. "My Guide. I didn't protect him. I failed him and now I'm gonna lose him."
"Hey, man, you didn't fail me and you are not losing me. Jim, pay attention here."
Blair started working his way back up to Jim's head with the alcohol bath. Jim was still talking, but he wasn't really coherent.
"My Guide, my little brother, my family. I won't let him down again. Promise, never again, I swear."
Blair continued the alcohol bath until he checked and noticed that Jim's temperature seemed to be back to normal. Jim continued to mumble, but much more quietly. Blair couldn't understand what he was saying.
"Just who are you talking to inside that head of yours, buddy?" Blair muttered as he reached for the washcloth and the liquid soap. The alcohol bath had lowered Jim's temperature, but the smell had to be aggravating to Jim's sensitive nose.
Blair quickly washed away all traces of the alcohol rubdown with the unscented soap, then toweled Jim's skin dry. Blair gathered up all the dirty linens and threw them over the railing with the bedding. He gently tucked Jim under the blanket and comforter from his own bedroom downstairs. Jim appeared to be resting peacefully now. The mumbling had ceased. His color was much improved and the fever was gone. It appeared that the crisis had passed.
Jim heard the flapping of wings. He looked for the source. He noticed that the sun appeared to be rising and he saw a golden eagle flying towards him. Alex screamed in anger, "NO, It's not fair!"
Jim watched as the eagle landed and a blinding light surrounded the bird. When the light dissipated, Alex was gone and, standing in front of him, was a beautiful blonde, blue eyed women.
"Mom?" Jim whispered softly, unable to believe his eyes.
"Yes, Jimmy, I'm here. I've always been here, protecting you, watching over you." Grace Ellison drew her son into a tight embrace.
"Mom, I don't understand, where..." Jim paused as he stared at his new surroundings. When Grace released Jim from the hug, he recognized his childhood bedroom. He was lying on the single bed that was his when he was growing up. His mother was holding him loosely as she leaned against the wall at the head of his bed.
"Sweetheart, we don't have much time, you don't belong here, not yet away. But, there were things I need to explain."
"Why did I first see you as an eagle, Mom?"
"Because that is the form of my spirit guide. Yours is a black jaguar, mine is a golden eagle," Grace explained with a smile.
"Your spirit guide?"
"Yes, Jim, mine. Where do you think your gifts came from?" Grace asked.
"I never really thought about it. Just wait until Blair finds out," Jim's voice trailed off as he recalled that his Guide was leaving him.
"Jim, before you were listening only with your ears. This time, listen with your heart." Grace pointed off to the left. Jim saw and heard Blair and Naomi talking.
"Naomi, I'm not going with you. I'm happy here with Jim, with my work at school and yes, working with Major Crimes."
He smiled when he heard that Blair was happy with his life.
Grace watched the expression of joy cross her son's face. "Yes, he's happy, but do you really understand how he feels about you?"
Jim shrugged, not really sure how to answer. Then he heard Naomi and Blair speaking again.
"He'is not your responsibility, sweetie."
"Yes, Mom, he is and I'm his. That's what it means to be family.
Naomi and Blair both faded away. Jim turned back to face his mother.
"How do you feel about Blair?"
"My Guide, my little brother, my family. I won't let him down again. Promise, never again, I swear."
"I know that, Jim. Blair's the one that you need to tell. Let him know how you feel."
"I will, Mom." Jim took a deep breath before asking his next question. "Mom, why did you leave? Was it something that I did?"
"No sweetheart, I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I never found my Guide. My senses were getting further out of control every day. I needed to get away from the civilized world. I couldn't take you with me. I lived for a while at the mountain cabin. It helped being out in the middle of nowhere, but one day I zoned. I was watching a golden eagle feeding her young and I never came out of it. No one else was there to bring me out of it. It was no one's fault."
At that moment, Jim realized just how fortunate he was to have found Blair. "I'm sorry, Mom. I wish you would have found your Guide."
"Jim, you have to leave now. Blair's waiting for you and he's getting quite concerned."
"Mom, will I see you again?"
"Promise, sweetheart. I'm watching over the two of you every single day."
Jim watched as his mother slowly faded away. He closed his eyes and went to sleep, safe and sound, in his childhood bed.
Jim spent the next several hours in a deep sleep. He displayed no signs of waking anytime soon. Blair filled one of the glasses with the juice he had brought earlier.
"Hey, buddy, that fever drained you dry. You need the liquid, so how about trying to drink some of this for me?" Blair asked as he removed the pillows from beneath Jim's head and slipped into their place, leaning against the headboard. He propped Jim up so that Jim's head was resting against his chest. He raised the glass to his partner's mouth allowing a little of the juice to dribble into the dry mouth. He was so busy watching his Sentinel's face for a response that he missed the motion of the hand raising to the bottom of the glass tipping it a little further.
"Jim? You awake?"
He watched as Jim downed the entire glass then smiled when he heard a shaky but clear voice answer, "Thanks, Chief, I needed that."
"How're you feeling, Jim?"
"Better, still thirsty and really hungry."
"I have a nice soup warming on the stove. How does that sound?"
"Sounds pretty good."
Blair replaced the pillows, arranging them so that Jim was almost sitting up before heading for the stairs. He paused at the top, looking back at Jim and asked, "Are you going to be all right by yourself for the next couple of minutes?"
Jim nodded, "I won't be alone, my Mom is watching over me, us."
Blair looked concerned for a minute, thinking that Jim was still not really with it yet. Then smiled, as he understood. "That's who you were talking to, your Mom?"
"Yeah, and if you hurry up and get that soup, I'll tell you all about it."
"Be right back, big brother." Blair winked then went downstairs.
"I'll be right here, little brother," Jim called back. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something move. When he turned to look, he caught a glimpse of his mother's smiling face before she faded away.
"We'll be right here," Jim whispered.
The End