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First Season Quotes

"Like I have a clue!" - Blair to Jim, after Jim demanded to know what was wrong with his wacked out senses, Night Train, -Mysti Frank

"I arrest the bad guys, and you do everything you can to get them off." - Jim to Isabelle, Night Train-MegaRed

"Man, I am not in the mood to have my head ventilated by some pissed off magpie." - Blair to Jim, The Switchman-Wolfpup

"Well, the way Sandburg navigates we'd probably be lost and mauled by a sasquatch or two." - Jim to Simon, Reunion-Wolfpup

"Jim, when you first told me about this guy, I was expecting an academic, not some neo-hippie flower child with time on his hands now that The Dead have broken up." - Simon to Jim, on his first meeting with Blair. Siege-Cindy

"Oh, come on. Do I look like that would be a problem?...Don't answer that!" - Blair, when informed of the department's drug testing policy, Siege-Cindy

"I am NOT cutting my hair." - Blair to Jim, Siege-Erin

"I was thinking about getting a Cascade PD insignia tattooed right on my chest." - Blair.
"Above the nipple ring?" - Jim.
"How'd you know about that?" - Blair.
"Let me tell you something. You get a tattoo and your Blessed Protector's gonna kick your ass down seven flights to the lobby." - Jim, Cypher - Erin

"You're a human crime lab with organic surveillance equipment!" - Blair to Jim, The Switchman-XWlfWalker

"Trust Me" - Blair.
"You know, coming from you, those are the two scariest words in the English language." - Jim - Attraction - XWlfWalker

"Sounds like menopause to me," - Blair in response to Jim explaining the symptoms he has been experiencing since he took manufactured cold medicine.
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" - Jim as he slams Blair against wall - Night Train - Lilith Isis

"You're a cop?" - Kincaid.
"Yeah. Lieutenant Sandburg, Narcotics. I've been teamed with Ellison." - Blair - Siege - JoCat

"No! You don't understand." - Blair.
"Shut up, kid." - Kincaid.
"I'm not really a cop! I was lying!" - Blair.
"Shut up!" - Kincaid.
"I'm an anthropologist." - Blair.
"Yeah, and I'm the president." - Kincaid.
"I was lying!" - Blair Siege - JoCat

"You know, for a guy with hyperactive senses you can be pretty dense." - Blair - Killers - JoCat

"You been eating anything weird lately?" - Blair
"Well, I have had these cravings." - Jim
"Yeah?" - Blair
"Last night I ordered pizza -- pepperoni and 30-weight motor oil." - Jim - Killers - JoCat

"Oh, man, are we back on that again?" - Blair.
"We never got off of it. We just took a brief detour to the Sandburg zone." - Jim - Killers - JoCat

"Well, knowing that the faithful companion's most important job is knowing when to get lost I'll see you later, man." - Blair, after he sees Beverly coming - Killers - JoCat

"Jim, one week. One week, and I promise, I promise, we'll be out of your hair. Come on. One week, man." - Blair
"All right, look... One week. You or the gorilla act up and you're out. All right?" - Jim
"He's not a gorilla. And, look, you already hurt his feelings." - Blair
"You know, I'm already beginning to regret this." - Jim, starting to load up his truck
~Cut to Major Crimes. Joel and Jim in bullpen.~
"So how are you and your roommates getting along?" - Joel
"Don't ask. He makes all these weird noises, he eats stuff I can't even look at, and he smells funny. All he does is watch TV all day and it's driving me crazy. The monkey's okay, though." - Jim - The Debt - JoCat

"Sandburg, what the hell's going on? What are you doing with the front..? (sees Christine) Hello, there. I'm Jim Ellison. I live here." - Jim - Cypher - JoCat

"Look at this. Check this out. (takes a lid off a pot on the stove, smells it, and coughs) Now, that stuff, that'll clean your sinuses." - Blair.
"Or clean a floor." - Jim - Night Train - JoCat

"Okay, let's go." - Jim
"I got to say it. I'm really beginning to take this personally. It's because I'm not a real cop? Not part of your great fraternal brotherhood?" - Blair
"You're right. That's it." - Jim
"Oh, man." - Blair
"We're a cult. Every cop in the state of Washington is required to join this cult. Actually we have our secret headquarters under the Masonic Temple on 8th street." - Jim
"Get out." - Blair
"Hey, Mike, am I lying? Of course you realize that now that we've divulged our secret, we will be obliged to kill you. Thanks for the ride, Mike." - Jim - Night Train - JoCat

"And everything seems to be better now?" - Blair
"Seems to be." - Jim
"Damn. I really wanted to get you back to the lab see if we could study this. You know, you could take some more of that cold stuff in a controlled environment, of course." - Blair
"Okay." - Jim
"Great." - Blair
"Under one condition. You hang underneath a speeding train while I spend the night handcuffed to Isabel, huh?" - Jim, as he pats Blair on the cheeks and walks off. Blair follows after a moment. Night Train - JoCat

"I'll take the wire in your pants. Unless you want me to have Mr. Sandburg get it out for you." - Brackett to Jim - Rogue - Michka

"Jim, we need a password." - Blair
"What for?" - Jim
"In case someone comes here, you speek the password and I'll know." - Blair
"Oh, ok, well how about this? I knock, and you say who is it, and I'll say, Ellison." - Jim - Night Train - Messyroom

"Get me some back-up and your butt off the street." - Jim
"It may not be in that order." - Blair - Love and Guns - Dusty

Second Season Quotes

"I'll probably think of you as some self-serving, spineless goober." - Jim to Blair, Survival-Bette

"What does it mean when your fortune is blank?" - Jim to Blair, Second Chance-Wendy aka Sentlgde

"Just don't go trying to turn hero on me, Blair." - Jim.
"Me? You must be joking." - Blair, before they enter the warehouse to take care of those nasty old bad guys - True Crime - Shiloh

"Do you have to write so damn loud?!?" - Jim to Blair, Hear No Evil-Laura

"Uh, he eats lots of carrots!" - Blair, Hear No Evil-ZeoRanger6

"Come on man, you have the attention span of a gerbil!" - Blair to Jim, Out of the Past-Troi

"Yes, Jim, I was a science nerd." - Blair to Jim, His Brother's Keeper-Cindy

"Number one, you're not a cop, you're a civilian observer. Number two, you're personally involved." -Jim.
"When did that stop you?" -Blair
"Hmmm, this is not about me." -Jim, Second Chance-Andromede

"Come on this isn't funny anymore!" -Blair, Dead Drop-Andromede

"No, I didn't hit on her. All I did was whistle." -Jim.
"Whistle?" -Blair.
"Yeah. Whistle like a bat." -Jim, discussing his date with Margaret, Blind Man's Bluff-Sue Wells

"When my ex-wife and I first got serious, I burned all the old letters from all the old girlfriends." - Jim.
"Purfication Ritual." - Blair.
"No. Pre-emptive strike." - Jim, Survival-Cindy

"Your hearing is one of your greatest asset and if you've been only using it at half-speed, think of what you can do!" - Blair.
"Spend the rest of my life being tortured by dog whistles" - Jim, Hear no Evil-Andromede

"Please accept my humble apologies." - Jim.
"I accept your apology." - Wendy.
"Thanks Miss Hawthorne." - Jim.
"You can call me Wendy." - Wendy.
"Call me Jim." - Jim.
"Call me stunned!" - Blair, True Crime-Andromede

"I wouldn't worry about Detective Ellison. He was a ranger." - Mara.
"Oh Yeah? Lone or Space?" - Sheriff Tennison,Survival-Cindy

"Just make a fly-by and I'll parachute." - Jim.
"PARACHUTE??!!" - Blair, Flight-Erin

"Cold and wet is my world." - Blair, Survival-Langley

"I am calm, I am calm, I am....Frezzing." - Jim, Hear No Evil-Brandee

"So far we have two murders, poisonous spiders, a mayan urn, a mysterious cylinder, and a teenage genuis, I mean, this whole thing is starting to bug me." - Simon.
"You didn't just say that sir did you?" - Jim, Smart Alec-Gen

"Technically, BS is a form of male bonding." - Blair, Black or White-Kay Lynne

"I'm letting this go. I'm letting this go. I'm letting this go. Damn, couldn't they play some decent music." - Naomi while on hold on the phone after witnessing Blair's kidnapping, Spare Parts-Songbird

"Hey, Romeo, correct me if I'm wrong, but, uh, I thought you just made a date with her." - Jim.
"Yes, I did, man, I can't help myself. I got a problem!" - Blair.
"Do yourself a favor and don't show her your diary this time." - Jim.
"Oh, yeah. No more diaries for me, man. I'm just gonna wait till I get old enough and write my memoirs." - Blair.
"Yeah, well I can't wait for the movie version to come out." - Jim, Survival-CJ

"I gotta tell you something...Your love life is criminal. You gotta destroy the evidence!" - Jim, Survival-CJ

"I remember once I was in the Fijian islands... saw this fire dance. Jim, there was this dancer there... Oh, she had the best body." - Blair.
"You know, it's becoming crystal clear to me why you were drawn to anthropology in the first place -- one-track mind." - Jim.
"Don't cheapen it." - Blair - Light My Fire - Michka

"Sandburg, you better take this gun, 'cause I'm going to shoot them." - Jim, when Wendy Hawthorne comes to the Loft and her camera-guy is filming them in their underwear True Crime-Pat

Third Season Quotes

"Come on, Jim. What kind of dog do you think I am?" - Blair.
"The kind that would jump a table leg." - Jim - Warriors - Wendy aka Sentlgde

"'69 was a very good year for me." - Jim.
"Yeah. I was born." - Blair.
(Pause) "Except that." - Jim, 3pt. Shot - Shiloh

"All right, my little guppy. You ready for your first fly casting lesson?" - Jim to Blair, Poachers-Sandy

"I just don't see myself as a lilt kind of guy." - Jim.
"Well then, I guess that makes you a twanger kind of guy, huh Hoss?" - Blair, Vendetta-Marshyn

"As an anthropologist, I have to wonder what it is about our culture that breeds this type of criminal." - Blair.
"I think it's money." - Simon, Vendetta-Marshyn

"I'll be using my best diplomatic skills sir." - Jim.
"Oh God, that's what I'm afraid of." - Simon, Fool Me Twice-Marshyn

"Okay, fish him out before he blocks the filter" - Jim, Inside Man-Andromede

"Lorne Green is about as old west as William Shater. That's pretty fitting considering that they're both Canadian." - Blair, Vendetta-Erin

"Hello." - Jim.
"Hey Jim, it's me." - Blair.
"Hi, honey." - Jim.
"Huh? Jim. Yo, Jim." - Blair.
"Yeah, sugar?" - Jim.
"Honey? Sugar?" - Blair, Vendetta-Erin

"I've decided not to shoot myself." - Melanie.
"Well, good news." - Jim.
"Give me your address in Dallas and I'll have someone shoot her." - Melanie, referring to Jim's "wife", Vendetta-Erin

"Hey Ruck. Why don't we get down to business and play a little poker here so I can relieve you of some of that hard earned government money." - Jim, Storm Warning-Erin

"The way this is drawing ink, the feds will be all over this like a cheap suit." - Simon.
Feds walk in.
"Nice suit." - Blair, Red Ice-Erin

"So, what do you think?" - Simon.
"I don't trust her. Not as far as I can throw you." - Jim, Red Ice-Erin

"Watch out for the she-devil around the corner." - Jim to officers in the elevator after talking with Cassie, Dead Certain-Erin

"Ok, D'Artagnan, why don't ya just back off on this one. You've already dated half of the eligible women in the department. Leave her alone, ok?" - Jim to Blair, Dead Certain-Erin

"Hey, turn this up." - Blair.
"Why?" - Jim.
"Why? Because I can't hear it. There are some definite drawbacks to living with you." - Blair, Breaking Ground-Erin

"Well if it isn't Nancy Drew herself." - Jim, referring to seeing Cassie at the dig site, Breaking Gound-Erin

"I think we should just be friends." - Blair, mocking Jim.
"Right." - Jim.
"Right." - Blair.
"You want some of this?" - Jim.
"Yeah." - Blair.
"Bring it on." - Jim, Breaking Gound-Erin

"Now, if you go anywhere near that place, I'm gonna have to use your head as a football." - Jim to Blair, warning him against going to the prison, Prisoner X-wolfpup

"As my son Daryl would say, talk to the hand." - Simon to Jim, The Trance-Babyheart

"You being mentally ill is the only part I buy of this!" - Simon to Blair after Blair requests to go undercover at a mental institute, Mirror Image-Erin

"So, what do you think of our two feds?" - Blair.
"Well, Raferty's not so bad but I could do without uh, what's her name, Walters." - Jim.
"Yeah, right. You know what I think? I think there's a definite attraction between you two." - Blair.
"Yeah, I think you've been chewing payote buttons again." - Jim.
"It's inevitable. You guys are too much alike." - Blair.
"You're forgetting your physics Chief. Opposites attract, light charges repel. You can trust me on this one, I'm repelled." - Jim.
"Whatever." - Blair, Poachers-Erin

"So, this fishing spot she's taking you to, you think it's catch and release?" - Blair.
"Why don't you ask me Tuesday." - Jim.
"'I don't have a tent' that's a good one." - Blair, Poachers-Erin

"Hey,hey! Jim, Look!" - Blair to Jim at the Jags stadium when he see's two young ladies in workout cloths walk by.
"Easy Sandburg! We're only here to watch the game!" - Jim, 3pt. Shot-ANNA-BANANA

"You will love, and be loved by, many. Well, mine's right; what's yours say?" - Blair, reading the fortune from his fortune cookie.
"Your partner puts the 'dim' in dim sum." - Jim, acting as though he's reading his fortune, Love Kills-Bonnie and Shiloh

"Three reasons, Sandburg - One, you're not a cop, Two, you're not a cop, Three, you're not a cop!" - Simon to Blair after Blair requests to go undercover at a mental institute, Mirror Image-M.

"Shoot it with what?!?!? I'm a consultant!" - Blair to newcomer Insp. Megan Conner when she wants him to shoot out the tires of the vehicle they are pursuing, Foreign Exchange-ZipBang

"Sandburg, you may be right. I haven't had this much dialogue with the government since I got audited." - Captain Simon Banks, Secret-susan

"We rent him out on weekends..." - Jim, about "nephew" Blair to the neighbors who may be Swingers..
"Better than a video, huh Phil?" - neighbor, Neighborhood Watch-wnnepooh

"Ah, no worries mate. I know what, I'll go as Megan's brother," Blair Sandburg with an Aussie accent. Neighborhood Watch-Gen

"Oh, Simon. Isn't that beautiful?" - Blair as he puts his arm around Simon.
"What do you think you're doing? Get off me!" - Simon as he shrugs off Blair's arm.
"C'mon, a little brotherly love." - Blair.
"Do I look like your brother?" - Simon
"From a different mother." - Blair.
"Don't you start with me, Sandburg. I'm telling you." - Simon.
"Oh, come on ..." - Blair as he tries to put his arm around Simon again.
"Get. Go!" - Simon pushing Blair away. Remembrance-Tara

"Alright, here's what we do, Chief. We scour the zoos to find a demented kangaroo." - Jim.
"Good." - Blair
"Teach him how to box." - Jim
"Good." - Blair
"Toss the two into a ring together." - Jim.
"Shazam. I dig it. A little Aussie grudge match." - Blair.
"Yeah" - Jim.
"Isn't that cruelty to animals, though?" - Blair.
"Hmmm, yeah." - Jim
"Which one?" - Blair. Foreign Exchange-Tara

"I feel violated!" - Blair to Jim and Megan, after the 'swinging' neighbors leave Neighborhood Watch-Deana

"..... your cover will be that your a couple." - Simon.
"A couple of what?" - Jim.
"Newlyweds." - Simon telling Jim and Megan what their cover will be in the neighborhood. Neighborhood Watch-Spring

"Nice guy." - Jim, referring to Blair's friend Ray.
"Yeah." - Blair.
"Who'd ever think of you two together?" - Jim. Sweet Science-asp

"Did I ever tell you the story about Alexander the Great and how he used to travel with seven maidens?" - Blair.
"Is that so?" - Jim.
"Yeah, yeah. They used to encourage him with incantations from the battle lines. Sort of like, uh, ritual cheerleaders, you know?" - Blair.
"Is that a fact?" - Jim.
"No, none of it. But I bet they've never heard a pickup line like that before." - Blair as he eyes the cheerleaders. 3 Pt. Shot-CJ

"Nothing like the smell of a new car, huh? Check out this paint job. (leans over to look at hood of car) Nice. Very nice, except for this ding right here." - Jim.
"What ding? Where? Where?" - Simon.
Jim starts to laugh. Simon realizes he's being teased.
You're very funny. Did I tell you you're a funny man? (smacks Jim) Get your hands off the paint job!" - Simon. Foreign Exchange-JoCat

"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for the department to authorize new car? And how many days of pleasure do I get? Three!" - Simon.
"Captain, what was I supposed to do, let the guy go?" - Jim.
"No, you weren't supposed to let him go. But what is it with you and cars anyway? Somebody whack you with a toy car when you were a baby?" - Simon. Foreign Exchange-JoCat

"Wonder if she's going to be giving out spankings." - Jim - Finkelman's Folly-Michka

"Wa-toom-sa. Watumsa Basin, sir. Yeah, I did research on the Watumsa Indians a couple years back. There's not much out there. I mean, there's some farmland and a couple of abandoned copper mines, but that's about it." - Blair.
"The breadth of your knowledge never ceases to amaze me." - Simon - Dead Certain-Michka

"All right. So, uh, Jim... last night... after you had the sensory episode, were your senses still heighened, when you were, uh... you know?... No Im serious. Give me some details and be specific. Its for my work." - Blair.
"You want photos?" - Jim.
"You took pictures?" - Blair. Love Kills-Klenotka

Fourth Season Quotes

"Chief you alright?" - Jim.
"Yeah I'm fine.....but *what* is wrong with you?!?" - Blair in the jungle after Jim has yelled to warn alex it's a trap.... Sentinel Too - anthrochic5

"Chief, get a grip ... on something other than me!" - Jim with Blair hanging onto him in the helicopter. Murder 101 - Tara

"Why'd it have to be a helicopter?" - Blair.
"Would you prefer a boat?" - Simon. Murder 101 - catgirl

"We've got to get this kid on prozac." - Simon. Murder 101 - Tara

"It needs a paint job Sydney." - Blair. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Chief, it was nice of you to beam down." - Jim. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Why don't you try using your head for something other than a punching bag, all right." - Jim. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Don't let your anger take you out of the game. One of your better lectures, remember?" - Jim.
"NO!" - Blair. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Why don't you throw on some shades huh, we don't want you scaring any little kids." - Jim. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"You sure I can't get you anything for that? A bag of ice?" - Woman.
"Maybe just a bag." - Jim. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"When is he gonna nail him with something?" - Blair.
"Why don't you just shoot him." - Simon. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Why does he bug me?" - Jim.
"Because he called you old and said you couldn't hack it with the ladies." - Simon. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Oh, would you not start with that crap again. I won't lose my cool." - Blair.
"What is this?" - Jim.
"This is me losing my cool." - Blair. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Are we cynical?" - Jim.
"No." - Simon. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"How we gonna stop them?" - Blair.
"Like a runaway stagecoach." - Jim.
"What are you talking about? That means jumping." - Blair.
"Right." - Jim.
"Well that's crazy!" - Blair.
"Right." - Jim.
"What if they swerve and you miss? That leaves me. " - Blair.
"Right." - Jim.
"Don't miss!" - Blair. Murder 101 - StarPlaza

"Well, look who's coming. The starting guard for the Woodstock All-stars." - Jim. 4 Pt. Shot - StarPlaza

"I feel like I'm watching an old Pauly Shore movie." - Jim. 4 Pt. Shot - StarPlaza

"Spoken like a man that has no children. That he knows of, anyway." - Simon. 4 Pt. Shot - StarPlaza

"I guess this means no floor seats." - Blair.
"No sense in both of us missing it. I can follow this up on my own." - Jim.
"I don't know. I think I'd feel too guilty doing that...But if you insist." - Blair. 4 Pt. Shot - StarPlaza

"Hey coach, is my safety on?" - Basketball player. 4 Pt. Shot - Vanisa

"You must have a fever, too." - Simon, after Blair asks if the department would pick up the tab for his car repairs. The Waiting Room - Trekkieb

"I don't really get modern art. Maybe you do, but this just looks like a big white square to me." - Jim.
"It is a big white square, Jim. It's a blank canvas." - Blair. The Waiting Room - wolfshy

"One of the symptoms of mental disorder is heightened senses." - Blair.
"I know I'm crazy for putting up with you." - Jim. The Waiting Room - wolfshy

"You guys want to stick around or what?" - Taggert.
"I got something you can stick." - Blair. The Waiting Room - wolfshy

"Its a Closet." - Jim.
"That's great work, Detective." - Blair. The Waiting Room - wolfshy

"Captain, if you recall, the last time I took this I fell off a damn train." - Jim, holding a bottle of Senquil. The Waiting Room - wolfshy

"Sandburg, sometimes you sound like an old movie." - Simon. Dead End On Blank Street - Katanasolo and Net4

"Ok Genius, let me ask you a question. What dropped those stiffs on North Chadwick?" - Jim.
"Well, that was two harpies that went to the narks and ratted some of their own kind out and they got wacked." - Blair. Dead End On Blank Street - Stinky

"Chief, tell me you didn't." - Jim to Blair when he finds out Blair has revealed his Sentinel abilities to the public. The Sentinel By Blair Sandburg - Dede

"Well, that was two harpies that went to the narks and ratted some of their own kind out and they got wacked." - Blair. Dead End On Blank Street - Stinky

"What good does it do for a man to have ears that will hear a thousand miles and cannot listen to the whispers of his own heart." - Gabe to Jim. Night Shift - Luv2

"Now, is it just the acoustics in that room or does everyone behind that desk automatically get loud?" - Blair. The Sentinel By Blair Sandburg - DeltaQEd

"Zeller has gone over the edge" - Jim.
"Yeah, no kidding!" - Blair.
"No! He's really gone over the edge." Pointing to the edge of the roof. - Jim. The Sentinel By Blair Sandburg - Nanci

"What are we looking for?" - Blair.
"We'll know when we find it." - Jim.
"Oh, that's a good answer. Where'd you get that -- off a t-shirt?" - Blair - Dead End On Blank Street-Michka

"You boys are after the wrong man." - Conkle.
"Oh, right. Yeah... We're looking for Harry Conkle, who's studying for the priesthood." - Jim - Most Wanted-Michka

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